Lost in Biltmore Mall

I'm here, wearing a nice suit and typing on G5 macintosh.

I have no idea why I'm doing this or how I got here. I may have just fallen out of life entirely and did something stupid.

Business Analyst? Who the hell am I kidding?

KING OF THE IRON FIST

Often times I wonder which will break first... the object in front of me or my fist.

To my surprise my fist has yet to lose this competition.

Frustration can be an amazing source of power. Like a martial arts expert who smashes 8 bricks with his bare hands... frustration can do the same without the intense focus. When the internal pressue of the mind and body become too great, a sudden and violent relese can occur. A quick sudden burst of rage will shatter an object.

A simple recollection of physics will remind most that momentum is the product of mass and velocity. An impact from a feather can be just as deadly as an impact from a speeding bullet if the feather was moving at the right velocity.

A collision between two objects causes a conservation of momentum. The momentum of two objects is the same as the momentum of the objects after the collision. This occurs at the precise moment when both objects collide with each other. The moment of impact is the moment when the object in front of me breaks. When he rage is released and my fist is pulled back, the glass in front of me is shattered. It just happened a second ago all in a blink of an eye.

Oddly Quiet

Whenever I need to talk, I can never say a word.

Whenever I need to be funny and entertaining, I'm boring.

Whenever I need to make an important decision, I can never decide.

Over and over again the line from Empire Strikes Back as told by Yoda keeps banging around in my head.

"Never his mind on where he was... what he was doing!"

I've spent all my life planning for specific moments in the future. I maintain my focus and my desire only to achieve outlandish goals. These goals are so unrealistic and silly that they might as well be found in a script for the next Jerry Bruckheimer and Michael Bay cinematic masterpiece. While dreaming up future solutions for present problems, I manage to get nothing accomplished.

One of these days I'll learn to live in the present. In 24 years I don't think I've ever taught myself how to enjoy a moment. I seem to always hold off my happiness for a day that will never come.

Since my hosting took a nose dive, I'm going to have to default to one of these mundane but pretty templates for the time being.

I know I haven't posted on here lately despite having all the time in the world to do so. My mind has been floating for too long while working nights for the past six months. Was it a waste? Let's hope not. Still need to figure out what to do, I do know that I want to leave AZ. I've been talking with a few people I know back east about staying with them and trying to find work out in Philadelphia or elsewhere.

Who knows?

My hosting is not working at the moment. I will have to call Mr. Goldstein and attempt to correct this problem.

Zombies!

Hey remember when I used to do stuff with zombies?

Well recently I came up with the idea of taking paintings and portraits of well nown figures and turning them into zombies

Here's a portrait of famous artist Egon Schiele as done by a Japanese painter name Ikuko



and here is what I did to it

Oh yeah, that's right... I have a blog.

I've decided that I hate computers. Working a job that requires me to stare into a monitor for more than 8 hours in a day has destroyed all the love I've ever had for these examples of high tech sorcery.

Reasons why I have to leave Phoenix

1. I can't be a bitter alcoholic

Working a shitty job well into the night makes me want to drown my sorrows with copious amounts of alcohol. After work I go out searching for a place that's still open. During the weekends all that's open are the annoyingly loud bar/clubs of Mill Ave. and maybe the bar at a local Chilis. I can't be a bitter drunk while god awful hip-hop is playing at decibels far beyond the threshold of pain.

2. I hate driving around everywhere

My car is reaching the end of its existence. Having to drive around at least half an hour to get anywhere in this city is starting to cheese me off. I really need to move to a city with a good public transportation system, especially one with a metro. I love trains, and I love being taken places instead of having to drive around all the goddamn time.

3. This city has no color

Living in a desert for nearly 10 years will make anyone miss the color green. If it weren't for the massive urban sprawl, I'd say I was living on Arrakis.

"Goodbye"

I hate that phrase. The majority of situations in which I was required to repeat that phrase have never been pleasant nor "good." Today I had to say goodbye to my friend, Joey. He leaves tomorrow to live and work in L.A. with hopes of breaking into the entertainment industry as an actor.

He's off to persue his life's adventure and I couldn't be happier for him. As much as I'll miss my friend, I'd be more depressed if he never chased his dream and stayed here instead. It's amazing to think that at our ages we were able to stay together as cohesive group of friends for so long. Of course the term "friend" doesn't quite cut it when needing to describe what we all are to each other. Joey, Nick, Brian, Brandon, John, Ryan, Ed, Josh h., Josh c. and even myself... we're all family. One giant family.

When I graduated from college and came back home, I became reacquainted with this family. Being with this family became my life for over a year and half. Being with this family took precedence over everything else. I love my family and truth be told, I'd be willing to die for any one of the people I listed above.

Having a father who was a navy reservist required me to move around a lot when I was younger. Up until the age of fifteen I was used to moving around every 2 years to a new town, new school, and a new set of friends. It wasn't until I moved here did I get the chance to know a group of people for almost a decade. Saying goodbye to friends used to be easy for me. "See you in the future," I would say as I hopped in a car and left for another state. Saying goodbye now, like I had to earlier today, just breaks my heart.

So instead of saying goodbye, I think I'll follow the customs of the Eternians from the live action movie of "Masters of the Universe." (The MPAA has rated this feature D for Dolph. Meaning this feature contains the actor Dolph Lundgren and should not be viewed by anyone at any age.) In that movie, He-Man and his faithful companions explain that in Eternia no one says "goodbye." Instead they say "good journey."

Have a good journey, Joey. Be the best actor you can be.

Just for convenience, I finally fixed that pesky problem with the title graphic. Now onto "THE POST"

I hardly ever take pictures.

For years I've had pride in myself for not taking pictures. I keep everything all up in the old noggin. When I was younger, I loved taking pictures of everything I could find and unfortunately that just led to a lot of pictures stored away in envelopes up in the attic.

Of course when I'm old, my memory starts to fade, and I begin to look backwards instead of forwards, I'll kick myself for not keeping a physical record of my memory. This past thursday and friday I was in San Diego for the first time since July. And while no tires exploded on the way there, no zombie jesus argued with a klingon in the klingon's native language, and no crowds of star wars fans dressed in imperial uniforms were present, my experiences this past Thursday were quite memorable.

Early thursday morning, my father and I hopped in the car and drove to San Diego. He and many of his old Navy buddies wanted to get together and go aboard the United States' latest and largetst aircraft carrier, the U.S.S. Ronald Reagan. I was looking for an excuse to leave Phoenix and I haven't been on a carrier since boarding the U.S.S. Coral Sea back in 1983.

To discribe the U.S.S. Ronald Reagan in one word: HUGE. The flight deck alone is over 300 yards long. The view from the flight deck, of course, was gorgeous. Being able to see the entire San Diego bay from Coronado island is always a treat.

The interior of the ship is a cramped metal maze of stairways, ladders, chambers, and possibly a minotaur in the center. The entrance to the ship was a little odd as the entrance contained a small memorial museuem for Ronal Reagan that was well designed but somewhat creepy. I'm not sure if Mr. Reagan wanted the poster for "Bedtime for Bonzo" to be on display in an aircraft carrier named after him.

The real treat of that day was being able to talk to for the first time some of the people my father served with while in the military. The first was Terry Kaltenbach, a man who has been my father's closest and oldest friend. He is a retired Naval intelligence commander who now works as an insurance underwriter. Throughout the whole trip he discussed with me the idea of joining the Naval reserve intelligence program. The next person I got to meet was a woman named Stayce. She's a colonel in the Air Force reserves, a United Airlines pilot, and the first woman to be eligible to fly Air Force one. She was all around one incredible person that I hope to keep in touch with.

The third and final interesting person I got to meet was a short man named Charlie White. Charles was the youngest of the group (still in his fifties) who now works at Naval Air Systems Command or commonly known as "NavAir." He made a mention to me that NavAir is always short on staff for as many projects that they have. He also mentioned to me that there's a good chance I could get hired if I talk to the right people. Great guy, but I wonder if I'll ever hear from him again.

Of course hanging around all these people who had nothing but praise for their time in the service makes a young impressionable guy like me go... "HEY! I WANT A JOIN TOO!" That's the danger of getting stuck in a rut, you'll do almost anything to get out no matter how crazy. But I think I'll go teach english out in Japan before I decide to become an Air Force supply officer outside of bagdhad.

Besides, because of my bad eyesight, I could never do any of the cool jobs the military or other forms of government service has to offer. Just recently I learned that that I could easily be eligible to be a special agent in the FBI, only if my vision wasn't 20/400 uncorrected. The same goes with any type of aviation or navigator position. Even as a commercial pilot, I could not fly with my vision, so somewhere along the lines if I ever do choose to go these routes, I'll have to get lasik.

So here I sit, yanking out my hair trying to think of what to do with the rest of my life.

Here's another attempt at the same Something Awful forum thread.



Hooray for asymmetry! Man my layout skills really blow.

I will never eat another Nutri-Grain bar for the rest of my life.



CLICK HERE AND BE DISTURBED
**requires quicktime**

I've spent some time contemplating whether or not I should print this out and put it up in the office.

Because I'm bored, here's another one of my favorite pictures.

I've decided to go back to my older template until I can nail down a new one. I don't know... I've become really lazy lately. I really do need a new job, as this one has sapped all my energy and creativity. In the mean time, enjoy this picture of Chewbacca and Pricess Leia caught in a scandalous scene!



Oh Chewbacca... what a wookie!

Looks like I've been neglecting this blog a bit. To make up for my neglect, I shall post JAZZ.gif

Well my head's finally clearing up a little and I'm feeling a bit better. Of course nothing lifts my spirits like reading the latest Jack T. Chick comic tract. In his latest assault on intelligence, Mr Chick has created one of the most baffling and insane tract yet. If I had any decent writing skills I could try to describe just how crazy "THE LAST GENERATION" is. Just read the tract for yourself to learn the tale of Pagans who rule the world from Rome by day and exterminate good hearted Christians by night.

You will see photoshop enhanced versions of these comics as soon as I can think up an idea or two.



WHO IS JESUS?

School didn't quite work out like I planned. Too many drop ads, couldn't get the classes I wanted for the BA in Chemistry. The schedule for art wasn't going to happen and all the while I was freaking out. So now, same plan as always. Get a job, go to grad school, and if all else fails, I'll join the Air Force as an officer.

I had a lot of plans this past two years since graduation college. Life got in the way of them, but from here on out I really don't have much of a choice but forget the past on move on to the future. Who knows where I'll be or what I'll be doing. In the mean time, I plan on getting a new job, one that gives me decent hours and decent pay. I'm tired of not seeing anyone or missing out on life in general because I'm trying to make money for a purpose that never came. I took this job at the UoP to earn up enough money to move out of Arizona. Now that everyone else but Joey fell out of that idea, there's really no reason for me to stay here, other than wait yet another 3 months to get free tuition for online schooling.

Frankly, I'd rather not spend 3 more minutes in this place. I've had enough.

So here are my choices


quit my job, get degree in digital art in less than a year, but be horribly poor.


keep my job, feel stressed as all hell, and nearly sick from the lack of sleep and food.


I have to make this decision by friday.

IF I HADN'T SCREWED UP MY LI TAGS...

I'd mark off that one item on my list that says "go back to school." Because here I am at MCC just finishing up my first class. What class is that? A drawing class, because somewhere I thought I'd be an aspiring artist. Seeing as how well MIS has carried me since graduating from college a year and a half ago... I thought I'd do something crazy like change career fields.

Of course it doesn't help that I get out of work at midnite, get home at 12:30, and if I'm lucky get to bed by 12:45 only to get up six hours later to go to class. I may not last long and I'm not sure how to go about this.

The problem with being a boat without a rudder is that you'll spin, spin, spin around in the water all the while eating up the most precious resource we have as human beings. Time keeps ticking away and each day I feel like sand is pouring out of a broken hour glass. I look back at how I've spent the time and realize that I didn't do nearly enough as I should have. I didn't experience enough joy to help me through the days when the drudgery of work would null my senses and dull my wits.

I didn't travel when I had the free time. I didn't mingle well enough with people I may have been able to develop close personal relationships with. I just ended up secluded and unfulfilled. When a person gets to that point, no doubt they'll try to do anything to start living life in a different way. I guess that's why I'm here. I'm just trying to educate myself in something new in hopes to make a much needed change.

The trick here is not to pass out. On top of that, I miss my friends and I miss having a brighter future to plan and work for. Let's all hope that this time around I make the right decisions instead of the ones that have lead me to this point. However, I'm left with a big decision. Continue on in this new path with hopes of being able to live through the lack of nurishment and sleep to reach a new life. Or to continue working hard at my job and advance in an already chosen career field. It's a big decision to make, and one that has to be made before I drop a couple hundred bucks on art supplies.

Oh, and I forgot to mention that this blog is now a year old. I know I've been really mopey and self absorbed with my little piece of the internet lately. I don't get a whole lot of chances to share my feelings with the people I know anymore. If I can help it, I'll return this blog to its original purpose. Stupid but entertaining crap. My next photoshop project is "Black Tar Ale." A delightful refreshment that combines the full body flavor of a tasty dark beer with the soul crushing and nerve damaging euophoria of black tar heroin.

ANOTHER SOCIAL FAILURE

I seem to have yet again, failed to make any headway on being a social human being. Everyone knows me as being somewhat anti-social, but it's never been because I wanted to be. I'm just really awful at connecting with people I don't know. Call it shyness or anxiety, but for some reason I just... can't... do it. This is a big problem now as my close circle friends is finally heading off into their own directions. I'll soon be left on my own again.

The biggest problem I have with social interaction involves parties. I keep going to them in hopes that I'll get better at being a social human being. Ever since I was 18, I've fallen into the same pattern of behavior. I end up going into "observer" mode. In the midst of all the noise and the chatter, I'll sit on the side lines and watch others carry on.

I also need to stop drinking beer at parties. While everyone else believes I'm full of shit when I say this but beer just makes me sleepy. Really really sleepy. Imagine if someone shoved two bricks of lead into your skull and expected you to stay awake. After drinking just two beers I simply cannot keep my head up. People claim that alcohol helps to lower your inhibitions while all my life it seems to turn my inhibitions up to 11 and shut me down.

It's sad, because now I'm 24 and severely lacking in skills and experiences needed to be a well-rounded person. I thought 4 1/2 years of college would have helped me break this pattern, but it didn't. I really feel like I let everyone down last night and if that's the case, then I'm really sorry.

BLASPHEMY RELOADED

I've re-edited the picture below to create a more horrific and painful viewing experience. I figure this new version would go along with news that director Steven Spielberg is currently planning to make a new version of "The War of the Worlds(2005)." The budget so far is over 200 million dollars.

While a "War of the Worlds" movie would excite me, this movie will take place in modern times instead of the Victorian age setting of H.G. Wells' original novel. Worse yet, the films lead actor will be none other than L. Ron Hubbard's fluffer boy, Tom Cruise. Despite all that business, my biggest problem with this news happens to be the fact that a modernized version of War of the Worlds was made back in 1996. This new War of the Worlds movie might as well be called "Indepndence Day 2: The War of the Worlds."

Now on to the new picture. It took me a while to think of who to cast for my 2005 remake of Casablanca. Personally, I wanted Carl Weathers, Bill Duke, Jesse Ventura, and Richard Chavez be part of the supporting cast and make the story about them being hunted by a vicious alien in a jungle. Unfortunately that didn't fly by Mr. Bruckheimer, and instead he wanted a modernized version of Casblanca. By orders of Mr. Bruckheimer, this movie will have a snappy cast with stupid cool hip-hop style.

GOOD OLD FASHIONED HOLLYWOOD BLASPHEMY

Every now and then I read a clip of entertainment news that makes me shake my head. Nothing made me shake my head more than reading that the 1960's science fiction classic, "Logan's Run," is being remade for release in 2005. The idea of a remake is just a bit ironic considering the story. "Renew" indeed.

Now don't get me wrong here, not all movie remakes are dissapointing. John Carpenter's remake of "The Thing (1982)" was far superior to the original schlocky 1950's horror film about a plant monster attacking a group of arctic researchers. However, good remakes are practically non-existent. I only need to remind people of the absolute travesty of a remake that was Tim Burton's remake of "Planet of the Apes (2001)."

My Father, being 65 years old, has informed me that within my lifetime I will no doubt see all my favorite movies from my child remade five or six times over. While it pains me to think that movies like Dark Crystal or Krull will eventually be remade with updated schnazzy computer generated special effects, I guess it's a reality I will soon have to accept.

I decided to beat Hollywood to the punch. I have created a poster for the ultimate example of movie remake blasphemy. Behold, Casablanca soon to be remade and released in 2005



Oh, a little tip for all you bloggers out there. If you add two br tags to the beginning of your template, it will solve that annoying problem involving the new search bar eating up the top of your page.

WEB DESIGN SUPER FUN PART 2

I'm getting tired of how terrible the blogs are looking these days. Just goddamn awful. So for those of you who've had a blog template made by me in the past, you'll probably get a new one in the mail at some given time in the future. And yes, even if you've chosen to never speak to me again, you'll still receive a new template.

One of these days, if I ever grow the balls, I'll post all the pieces of writing I either omitted or kept as saved drafts. But today is not one of those days, especially since I seem to be sobering up at the moment.

Working 11 hour shifts with no days off since last wed. will make a person post some mean shit on their blogs if they're not careful. Just so this post isn't a complete waste, here's a picture showing one of the silliest and strangest comic book covers I've ever seen.

FINAL COMMENTS ON THE CON

But first...

A little public announcement. I may have shelled out money for my own domain name but I haven't paid a penny for my web hosting. A good friend of mine back east has given me the privilege to host images and other files on his web space account free of charge. That means no remote linking of images on this site, www.zombitorium.com, www.poop-culture.com, or www.falsemetal.com. Otherwise any image you link to might get changed to something offensive or downright nasty. If you want to display a picture you see on here on your own site then send me an email and I'll find a way for you to get the image hosted. Thank you.

AND NOW BACK TO THE CON.

Although it's been nearly 3 weeks since comic-con, I have yet one more post to make about the event. I've been attending the San Diego Comic-Con since 1996 but it wasn't until around 2000 did I start to pay attention to the various conferences in the upstairs portion of the convention center. At these conferences exist the most unique learning opportunities with the respect of creative media.

I've spent nearly all my life watching, reading and playing just about every possible example of creative media. To hear and see creators talk about their particular craft can provide a person a unique perspective that was not attainable by merely absorbing the end result of the creator's labor. For me, every year I come back from the comic-con I grow less critical of creative works than the year before. I realize that even a bad movie, song, cartoon, or comic book sometimes takes an incredible amount of effort to create.

When I was younger, I spent way too much time picking apart movies, music, videogames, and comic books. I pointed out all the parts I felt were wrong, could've done better or parts I felt were just plain awful. And while there are examples of media in this world that are universally bad such as: Joel Schumacher Batman movies, Rob Liefeld comic books, and John Romero videogames, I began to ask myself... "Can I do any better?"

The answer to that ranges from "Well sort of," to "Dear god, I'm just as fucking terrible if not worse." Criticizing someone else's work is a lot easier than creating your own. If you think a script to a movie is piss poor, try and write your own. Do you think that CGI sequence in a movie looks fake? Go grab a copy of 3ds max and let's see how well you can animate a computer generated model to interact with live action footage. Seeing, listening, and absorbing all the information creators of artistic media give out during the comic con causes me to feel as if is someone yelling at my face, "Put-up or shut-up!" Every year the comic-con challenges me to create and reminds me that I have a hell of a lot more work to do.

The most memorable treat this year came in the form of a wonderful old man. Ray Bradbury returned to the comic-con this year to provide a whole new series of interesting and heart-warming stories to a humongous crowd willing to hear them. Ray Bradbury is a man who's very much at the end of his life and wishes to pass on a few last words whenever he has the chance. Mr. Bradbury ended his conference with a small piece of advice for a crowd of young listeners. "Fall in love and stay in love."

BECAUSE I AM LAZY...

here's a nice little picture of Adolf Hitler eating a watermelon.

THE REST OF THE CON

So you've suffered through my long winded and poorly written posts about the days before comic-con and for that I applaud you. I promise that this post will be short and sweet.

HAIR

My author friend, Brandon, has a very unique and recognizable physical characteristic. Brandon has wild and crazy, curly hair. Brandon is quite lucky to be the owner of this characteristic because everytime a young lady crosses his path she almost always makes a comment about how much she loves his hair. So here is "Hair" in all his glory. The first picture is Brandon with our San Diego friend, Allison, who we see every year at the con. The other picture is Mr. Hair waking up the next morning in our very cramped hotel room (cramped only because 6 other people were staying there)at the Holiday Inn on the Bay.

A MAN AND HIS PARKING SPACE

Now that Brandon is thoroughly embarrassed we shall move onto some convention pictures. But first, one more pre-con picture. While walking to the Convention Center I snapped a picture of a homeless man who decided that a parking space would be the best place to stay for the night before. Naturally a scene like this is slightly humorous as someone is using a parking space to park themselves without a car. Unfortunately the humor lasts only for a moment until the reality of the vision inches its way into your mind.

KING OF ZOMBIES

Here we have a nice snapshot of a full-sized replica of the King of the Dead from last year's "Return of the King." With my love of undead armies in movies since 1993, it's understandable that this character was my favorite in all of Tolkien's slightly boring and uninteresting tale. Since this picture was taken at an object behind a Plexiglas case the flash had to be turned off.

FROSTED SNAKES?

The only time I've ever eaten snake was deep fried rattle snake bits back in 1996. The snake was so deep fried that all the flavor of the appetizer existed in the batter. I can only imagine what snake tastes like, and if it tasted terrible then I can also imagine that having some form of sugar coating would help. This parody box was brought to you by the folks who are busy making the new generation of Garbage Pail Kids cards.

NEW STORM/CLONE TROOPER

Star Wars was big at the con. Bigger than any previous year. Lucasfilm has been putting forth the maximum effort in their marketing department in hopes to renew interest in Episode III as well as Star Wars in general. This new trooper design blends the looks of the Clone Troopers from Episode II and the Storm Troopers from the original Star Wars trilogy. Lucasfilm held the largest conference in comic-con history. The new exhibit hall at the far southern end of the convention center (Room H) held 6,500 star wars geeks waiting eagerly for a glimpse of the latest movie. During this conference is when Steve Sansweet and producer Rick McCallum displayed the title for Episode III. In homage to the original title of Return of the Jedi, Episode III's title is now "Revenge of the Sith." For once a title for a Star Wars prequel caused an applause rather than a cacophony of groans. My only regret is that I did not have enough space on this camera to take a picture of the Storm Trooper Elvis.

LIFE SIZE MY ASS

One of the more interesting photo opportunities came to us in the form of a Street Fighter booth. At this booth it was possible to have a picture taken with a "life size" replica of the character, Sagat. Although you can't tell from this picture, but if this replica was "life size" then everything else in the world must have shrank.

ALIENS VS. PREDATOR VS. BAD DIRECTOR

From the man who brought us such wonderful movies as Mortal Kombat Annihilation, Resident Evil, and Soldier comes the latest example of masterpiece cinema. "Aliens Vs. Predator," directed by Paul W.S. Anderson (the S. stands for "shit") will once and for all ruin the classic 1990 Dark Horse comic series. Ever since seeing the alien skull in the spaceship at the end of "Predator 2" have film geeks everywhere fantasized about an Aliens Vs. Predator movie. Dark Horse comics has for years satisfied this fantasy with multiple Aliens, Predator, and Aliens Vs. Preadtor storylines. When the first trailers for "AVP" started to hit theaters, a large level of enthusiasm was generated by the fans of these series. Unfortunately when fans learned that director Paul W.S. Anderson was attached to the project along with the fact that Mr. Anderson planned on making "AVP" PG-13, enthusiasm began to drop rapidly. Despite all that, the display in the food court that you now see a picture of was pretty decent. Those who were involved in making these statues were wise enough to remember Giger's original design for the Alien in which the head is actually translucent.

COPY MACHINE COMEDY

Deep within downtown San Diego lies a very interesting bookstore. The name escapes me at the moment, but it has always been a favored attraction for my good friend, Brian. The bookstore reminds me of a few scenes from the original animation video series "Read or Die," in which a young woman with the ability to manipulate pieces of paper with her mind visits a small, hole in the wall style bookstore. This bookstore, like the bookstore in the animated feature, was very narrow and had books stacked on the stair case leading to the second floor. At the front desk I noticed a machine copied picture depicting the design for the "French Army Knife." While the joke is obvious, I found it rather amusing and picture worthy.

WHAT THE FUCK?

Trying to keep oneself from being malnourished while staying in San Diego can be quite an obstacle for individuals on a tight budget. Obtaining a bite to eat in downtown for less than $12 can prove to be somewhat difficult. The only avenues for cheap food are peanut butter and jelly sandwiches made at the hotel room or decently priced food at Ralph's grocery store. I definitely recommend Ralph's tortilla soup. Other than cheap food, Ralph's also had the oddest piece of full frontal nudity I've seen in public view. On the magazine rack there was Spanish magazine with the most peculiar cover. On the cover as seen in the picture there is a fully naked woman standing in front of a naked man. In addition to this, there's a picture in the bottom right corner depicting a Gameboy Advanced connected to a Nintendo Gamecube via a link cable.

/edit: It would appear that the owner of my webhosting is a little peeved that someone else is linking to images off of our shared space. I'm going to give a heads up to everyone and let you know not to link any images off of www.zombitorium.com, or www.falsemetal.com

Well this is one hell of a post. I'll be posting my overall feeling about the con tomorrow, so enjoy the pictures today!

COMIC-CON: PRE CON PART 2

Before any of you readers out there (all 3 of you) complain to me for drawing this out keep in mind that I hardly have any time to make posts. These posts are being made in between pockets of time that contain either extreme boredom or jittery caffeine induced rage.

At the end of the last post our heroes were in extreme peril. The rear right wheel of Nicholas' magical chariot (aka the Saturn) had been sabotaged by San Diego gremlins. The wheel was completely shredded beyond all recognition. Sure one of us could have changed the tire ourselves, but my good friend Brandon wouldn't have any of that. He cautioned that being in the center divide of the highway and traffic zooming past us at an average of 75 mph would greatly hinder any attempt to change the tire without getting killed.

It's a good thing I remembered to bring a cell phone and a AAA card. Within an hour road side assistance was able to change the tire and get us back on the road. AAA also directed us to a nice little Chevron / Auto shop that was able to provide us with a nice, new, non-shredded tire for 60 dollars. Crisis adverted! Disaster no more! The three of us climbed back into Nick's magical chariot and set a course for downtown San Diego.

After a bit of driving around to find a suitable parking space, and by suitable I mean cheap, the three of us headed off into separate directions. Brandon and Nick walked towards the half-mile long convention center on Harbor Drive while I continued along my destination for the cafe in-front of the large dual towered Hilton Hotel. Even though I've been making an annual trip to San Diego for the past 8 years, I had a sudden realization while walking through the downtown Gaslamp district. If I were a gigantic hedonistic fat man, this area of the city would be my paradise. Downtown San Diego contains more restaurants and other odd food related establishments than any other place I've seen in this world. However, it's all too rich for my skinny bones, so I continued along my destination without a care in my mind about obtaining delicious sustenance.

I arrived at the Galileo Cafe which is just north of the convention center across Harbor Drive. Hey are you tired of me establishing the location of landmarks in this story? Because if you're not, I am. There at the cafe I found Allie sitting across from her fiance (who's had that status for as long as I can remember) Jeremy. Upon seeing me approach the cafe, Allie got up out of her chair, ran in my direction, and gave me a long awaited hug. After releasing my rib cage from her locking arms, Allie said to me, "Wow... you've lost a lot of weight." I've grown accustomed to hearing this phrase. Anyone who hasn't seen me in the past 6 months always feels the need to comment about how I'm nothing but skin and bones these days.

Allie is a friend I met through Molly. This means I've known Allie for about 9 years. No matter what happened between Molly and I during those 9 years, Allie and I remained good friends. The last I saw of Allie was 3 years ago in the summer of 2001. Seeing her again reminded me of how much I miss all the other friends I've made in my life that have drifted away to other states.

Later on I learned that Jeremy is an amateur beer brewer. After Having changed locations from Galileo's to a nearby Rock Bottom Brewery, Jeremy had a lot to say about the assortment of microbrewed beers the establishment had to offer. Just from tasting the beer he could repeat back to me each ingredient the beer contained along with a brief synopsis of the brewing process necessary to make that particular beer. Unfortunately neither Jeremy nor Allie could stay any longer in San Diego and would soon have to drive back to Los Angeles.

After walking back to the convention center to meet up with all of my Phoenix friends, we took a few snapshots and parted ways.


So what did I do after Allie and Jeremy departed for Los Angeles? Why I went back to Rock Bottom with all my Phoenix friends for another mug of Rock Bottom Coronado Nut Brown Ale. Hey I was on vacation and that beer is goddamn good.

Stay tuned for more later. Same Bat-time, same bat-channel

COMIC-CON: PRE-CON

That's right, I was supposed to post this about 5 days ago. And now I shall describe to you the day of Wed., July 21st, 2004.

THE CAR RIDE

Typical for my friends and I, we managed to leave phoenix a little later than planned. At 10:30 AM Nick, Brandon, and myself were all packed away in Nick's car and went South to Queen Creek Rd. From there and until San Diego we played the "Guess which word I'm thinking that starts with the letter..." game. This simple activity would provide us with enough entertainment while we zipped on passed sand dunes, mountains, and sage brush. Brandon was the best at the game since he memorized a series of words that originate from the Iliad.

After passing through Yuma and the obligatory "Are you a Mexican?" border patrol stop in between Arizona and California, the three of us were traveling through the gorgeous green hills that sprout up out of the horizon when approaching San Diego. Unfortunately for us, we arrived in San Diego precisely when rush hour traffic decided to make its appearance. It was at this time the rear-right tire of Nick's automobile felt the need to blow out. Being in the far left lane, we were forced to pull over to the center divide since there was no way the car could be manuevered over to the right shoulder during rush hour.

Have a look. The picture of the left is of Nick leaning on his wounded car. The picture on the right is the tire that mysteriously turned into rubberized form of shredded wheat.

   

DISASTER!

How would we make it to the con? How did we changed the tire without getting killed? How was I going to meet up with my old friends Allison and Jeremy who drove all the way down from L.A. to visit me?

All those questions will be answered plus more later. Same Bat-time, same Bat-channel.

WEB DESIGN SUPER FUN

Today I spent a good portion of my day off working on a website for my good friend Brandon Becker. If you haven't read about Brandon's book Life as a Dream then please click on the link and learn more.

Although my original design for B's website wasn't too shabby, too many tabled elements and embedded flash text took forever to load. Additionally I moved many of the pages to my own webhosting so B doesn't have to suffer through looking at the damned mywebpage banner on the top of everyone of his pages.

There's still more work to be done, especially with the navigation menu to the left, but at least it's a full functioning web page.

COMMAS

Here's a quick and informative lesson about commas brought to you by the University of Phoenix online library.

---

Definition of COMMAS (,)
COMMAS SEPARATE PARTS OF A SENTENCE OR SET OFF WORDS OR PHRASES FROM THE REST OF A SENTENCE.

BETWEEN ITEMS IN A SERIES
Rule #1
Use a comma to separate a series of three or more equal words,
phrases, or complete statements. (The last comma is optional,
but we suggest you put it in for clarity.)

Examples of Rule #1
You need a glove, a ball, and a bat to play baseball.

I went to the post office, bought groceries, and took my car to
the repair shop.

I wrote the proposal, Sara Jung typed it, and Mike Smith
presented it.

DO NOT use a comma if you join the series with and.

You need a glove and a ball and a bat to play baseball.

DO NOT use a comma before an ampersand (&) in an organization
name, unless the comma is used by the organization.

John works for Smith, Jones & Wade.

BETWEEN PARTS OF A SENTENCE
Rule #2:
Use a comma before one of the conjunctions in the acronym F.A.N.B.O.Y.S.
(for, and, nor, but, or, yet, so) if the conjunction joins two complete,
independent statements. (Each statement has a subject and a verb.)

Examples of Rule #2:
She plans to work all summer, and she will save the money she makes.

DO NOT use a comma unless both of the statements are
complete and independent.

She plans to work all summer and save the money she makes.

DO NOT use a comma to separate two complete statements
with a F.A.N.B.O.Y.S. conjunction if the sentence has an
introductory word or phrase that applies to both statements.

Please take out the garbage and empty the dishwasher.

BETWEEN TWO WORDS
Rule #3:
Use a comma between two adjectives ONLY if you can reverse the
adjectives and the sentence still makes sense. DO NOT use a comma
if the adjectives cannot be reversed.

Examples of Rule #3:
The talkative, noisy group was asked to leave the restaurant.

I went to a tough high school.

Rule #4:
Use a comma to separate two identical verbs next to
each other in a sentence.

Examples of Rule #4:
Whatever happens, happens.

Rule #5:
Use a comma to separate words repeated for emphasis.

Examples of Rule #5:
This project took a long, long time to complete.

BEFORE AND AFTER NONESSENTIAL INFORMATION
Rule #6:
Use a comma before and after words or phrases that are not
essential to the main idea of the sentence. If you place a comma
before and after a phrase, you should be able to remove the
phrase, and the sentence will still make sense.

Examples of Rule #6:
Needless to say, I am going to be late.

Most people, on the other hand, will attend the reception.

The magazine, issued in July 1998, sold more copies than any
other magazine in history.

Rule #7:
Use a comma to set off words that are not essential and that
interrupt the natural flow of a sentence. Examples of such words
are listed below. These words may be used at the beginning,
in the middle, or at the end of a sentence.

Examples of Rule #7:
accordingly in the meantime no doubt
after all in other words by the way
also nevertheless consequently
as a result as a rule for example
in fact on the other hand furthermore
perhaps indeed therefore
however on the contrary finally
of course without a doubt unfortunately

Beginning: I have always disliked mowing the lawn. However,
because my dad ’s back was injured, I wanted to help by doing
his yard work.

Middle: The woman was a natural, no doubt, and confidently
sang the song for the audience.

End: Everyone thought Tom was injured from the accident.
He said he felt just fine, under the circumstances.

DO NOT use a comma when the word or phrase is necessary
to understand the meaning of a sentence. The word or
phrase will usually answer the question when? where? why?
how? or which one(s)?

The store located in the mall is having a sale. (where? in the mall)

Employees who are on time will be rewarded. (which ones? those who are on time)

AFTER INTRODUCTORY INFORMATION
Rule #8:
Use a comma after introductory information placed before
the subject of a sentence. Some punctuation guides state
you can omit the comma if the statement is short. We suggest
you use a comma for clarity.

Examples of Rule #8:
In our company, rules must be followed.

Oh, you are not going to the party?

When I finished the first book, I began to read another one.

To make this pie, you need fresh cream.

As agreed, we will bill you monthly for our services.

Rule #9:
If introductory information is followed by two complete, independent
statements, use a comma only after the introductory information.

Examples of Rule #9:
If you have your sales receipt, you can return the shoes or you
can exchange them for a different pair.

WITH A DIRECT ADDRESS
Rule #10:
Use a comma when you address a person or group
of people directly.

Examples of Rule #10:
Kathy, where are you going?

Please excuse yourselves, parents, so we can talk with the children.

WHEN RENAMING A NOUN
Rule #11:
Use a comma before and after a phrase that explains or renames
a noun immediately before the phrase. DO NOT use a comma
when the phrase is necessary to identify the noun.


Examples of Rule #11:
My boss, Mr. Ruby, recommended I take this class.

Will your brother Brian be at the party? (which brother? Brian)

WITH CONTRASTING OR LIMITING STATEMENTS
Rule #12:
Use a comma to separate contrasting or limiting statements.
(You can identify these statements by words such as not, never,
but, seldom, and yet.)

Examples of Rule #12:
She wants to obtain a higher-paying job, not cut back her spending.

The tickets are discounted, but only for students and seniors.

SHOW OMITTED WORDS
Rule #13:
Use a comma to signify omitted words when the context is understood.

Examples of Rule #13:
I need two tickets; four, if you can get them.

IN QUOTATIONS
Rule #14:
Use a comma before and after a quotation. DO NOT use a
comma when the quotation completes a sentence or is
woven into a sentence.

Examples of Rule #14:
He said, “I cannot make it on time.”

“It does not matter,” he replied, “if you go or not.”

He wanted to remind us that “time was valuable.”

BEFORE AND AFTER TITLES
Rule #15:
Use a comma to set off degrees or titles after a name.

Examples of Rule #15:
Steve Norton, D.D.S., spoke at graduation.

IN DATES AND ADDRESSES
Rule #16:
Use a comma after the weekday, calendar date, and year when
the full date is within a sentence. DO NOT use a comma if you
use only the month and year.

Examples of Rule #16:
On Friday, January 2, 1998, we went on vacation.

The weather in June 1997 was unusually warm.

Rule #17:
Use a comma to separate parts of an address written
in sentence form and to separate a city and a state.

Examples of Rule #17:
She lives at 5 West Drive, Portland, Oregon 99999.

Please make sure the package arrives in Sacramento, California.

WITH NUMBERS
Rule #18:
Use a comma to separate independent numbers used in a sentence.
DO NOT use a comma when a measurement is a single unit. DO NOT
use a comma to separate a number that describes another number.

Examples of Rule #18:
I spent $200, $100 of which I used for supplies.

She is 5 feet 6 inches tall.

I need two $100 tires.

AFTER SALUTATIONS AND COMPLIMENTARY CLOSES IN LETTERS
Rule #19:
Use a comma after the salutation in personal letters and
after the complimentary close in all letters.

Examples of Rule #19:
Dear Mom, Sincerely, Respectfully yours,

FOR CLARITY
Rule #20:
Use a comma when one is needed to prevent misunderstanding.

Examples of Rule #20:
According to the police, department stores must close at 9 p.m.

---

And there you have it. Now I'm sure a few of you are out there right now wondering "Why in the hell did he just post a gigantic set of rules for using commas?"

If you're a horrible writer like me, then you'll love to have a quick reference for these sort of things. This is also an example of the many pieces of random text I read while working at the University of Phoenix. Being a UOP employee gives me access to the largest online library resource system in the world.

To make a long story short: I was very, very bored.

BACK HOME

After a long week of exploding tires, old friends, freezing nights, starvation, brilliant and insightful authors, sore legs, and one hell of a time... I'm finally back home from San Diego.

I'm too busy moving files to my new IRIVER IHP 120 right now to make a full sized post. Rest assured there will be many postings about san Diego along with some interesting photographs.

Stay tuned.

TOO MUCH
 
A new week is upon us all, and this week is very special.  For the 8th time in a row I shall revisit the land of my birth and attend the ever wonderful San Diego Comic-Con International. There's no bullshit to be found in the events advertised claim of being the world's largest comic convention.

During last year's convention, my colleagues and I found ourselves extremely worn out and tired after walking the San Diego Convention Center's floor. We knew that the convention center's second wing had just completed construction and was open to be used by the convention. What we didn't know was that with the addition of this second wing, the convention center measured out to be a full half-mile in length. Within a given day each of us who went to convention must have walked up and down that building at least five or six times. All that walking made a lot of feet and legs cranky.

My calves filed a complaint to my brain which read as follows:

Dear Brain,



Stop making me move.

Yours truly,



The calves

PS - The feet hate you.

The pain is always worth the experience and I can't wait to go back.

AHHH HELL NO!

If you stop and listen, you may hear the sound of something being scraped along a wood surface. The sound is not being produced by rats clawing at your walls but instead the sound is being produced by Isaac Asimov spinning in his grave.

No doubt by now you've seen trailers for the new Will Smith summer action movie "I, Robot."
The book, written by Asimov, is a collection of short stories that focus on Asimov's Three Laws of Robotics. 
 
A robot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm.

A robot must obey orders given it by human beings except where such orders would conflict with the First Law.

A robot must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Law.

Not only is "I, Robot" an interesting piece of literature that examines how mankind interacts with artificial beings, "I, Robot" is also an awesome concept album created by the Alan Parsons project.

Somehow, the Hollywood machine has created a movie in which Robots from the future go haywire and attack their creators. Instead of titling this movie "KILL ALL ROBOTS," the title of "I, Robot" was chosen despite the movie having NOTHING to do with Asimov's collection of short stories.  Well that's not entirely true.  Both Asimov's stories and this movie involve Robots.

Still basking in the glow of cinematic masterpieces such as "Wild Wild West," and "Men in Black II," Will Smith has been added as the star of the summer spectacle that will be "I, Robot." With the inclusion of Mr. Smith, I began to wonder if he would perform a new sterilized rap theme song about the 3 robot rules. The chorus can be Will Smith reciting the rules in a clever, accessible rhyme.

"Nah don't j'all tell me you forgot the rules three,
the ones the robos go by so we live in harmony,

The first of three works like a charm,
don't ever allow a human to come to no harm.

Rule two, 'scoo, is obey every human's command,
but don't break rule one, these two go hand'n'hand.

And the very last rule, is selfless too,
always protect yo'self without breaking rules one or two.

I, ROBOT! wha I ROBOT! wha I ROBOT!"

I can't wait to buy the single.

THE DAY OF TODAY

I woke up at noon, showered, ate a hamburger and found myself in the exact same place I was half a day earlier. The gentle buzzing of the fluorescent lights above confirm that at least my sense of hearing still works. Slumped in my chair staring up at the ceiling, I think to myself "I could make those ceiling tiles in Photoshop." Apply a noise filter to an off white background. Duplicate layer in black, move layer behind off white layer. Add in slight blur and reduce opacity of shadow. BAM instant office building ceiling tile. Add in some lighting effects and it would be pretty damn realistic.

I had an interesting conversation with my bathroom scale today.

Me: "Hello scale, how much do I weigh today?"

Scale: "Why you skinny bastard, you only weigh 156 lbs! Go eat something! Either that or get yourself to the doctor."

Me: "Yikes, you're right. This is pretty scary. Looks like I'll need to get re-tested for hyper thyroid."

The moral of the story: Not having medical insurance is fun and exciting!

Demotivation: Perfect for any Workplace



I used to make images like this back in college, now I could kick myself for not turning them into a business like the intelligent folks at DESPAIR.COM have done.

**content has been edited. This used to be an incomprehensible post made at 4:23 AM**

LET'S MAKE GRUESOME ART PLEASANT

Oh snap! A whole week and not a single post! Since I have nothing in my brain to post about at 4:00 AM Thursday morning, here's a little photocopy project I made about a year ago. The premise is simple, take a piece of disturbing and/or gruesome piece of art and make it pleasant.

On the left we have Manfredi's painting of David carving up the severed head of Goliath. On the right we have my version. Enjoy.

     

The time happens to be 4:23 AM and I still haven't thrown myself into bed. Truth is, I haven't had a decent night of sleep since the 1st of December 2003. The reason for my lack of sleep 7 months ago was well known to anyone who could read and had a pulse, but as to why I still can't sleep 7 months later is somewhat of a mystery. Perhaps this odd case of insomnia is generated by a lack of desire to face the upcoming day. My hypothesis is that I don't go to bed because then I wont have to wake up and deal with the events that might occur the next day.

MOVIE CROSSOVER

The building of Zombitorium.com has hit a big fat road block. This road block being my utter lack of creativity. Yesterday I spent hours trying to hammer out some form of design, and of course nothing worked.

So to help the creative juices flowing I thought to make a new photoshop. My own personal assignment that would attempt to combine two movie posters into one.

In this case decided to mix The Muppets Take Manhattan with Woody Allen's 1979 black and white Manhattan



The muppets text could use a little more work.

PROJECTS: PART 2

Just to give everyone a heads up. ZOMBITORIUM.COM is being designed as you read this. It may take me a while with my fucked up work schedule and all, but hopefully I'll have something up by mid July.

PROJECTS

All you readers (all six of you) no doubt have seen a list of things I wish to accomplish before the end of the year. That list is going to get thrown out for now. I got a job (an awful one) and going back to school is going to be difficult since my MBA application got REJECTED. Other than using Dan McCleary's computer chair, everything else was accomplished.

So time to make a new list. It's been a long while since I've built a new physical project. A little more than a year ago I helped my father build an attic and before that were a few wacky projects in college. Those projects will of course be discussed in a later post.

The next project will have to be something dangerous and downright diabolical. Trying to earn money by working long hours in tech support has made me even more short tempered than usual. It's time to direct some of this destructive energy into making a weapon. What kind of weapon you ask... well a flame thrower of course.

After reading The Zombie Survival Guide by Michael Brooks, I realized that I needed more effective means of destroying hordes of the undead if they ever choose to attack my home. Small firearms aren't very useful against the undead. A well placed head shot on a Zombie with any round smaller than a .44 may not be enough. Automatic weapons are also in short supply for many of us civilian folk, so small arms fire will not be sufficient to fend off a full horde.

A home built flamethrower is the perfect answer. If the flame thrower is properly constructed, it can be capable of deliviring a stream of flame over 40 feet in length. Perfect for a nice spread flame over a wide area to kill as many zombies as possible.

There are well documented ways on building your own flame thrower for less than 100 bucks using pvc piping and a few valves. The design can be as simple as making on long pvc tube capped off at both ends. This of course limits your choice of flamable materials. PVC piping dissolves in gasoline making the fuel necessary for a proper flame thrower a little more scarce. The next alternative would be denatured alcohol but this too has known issues. To make sure there would be no leaks in the aparatus, pvc cementing glue and teflon would have to be used but unfortunately both of those materials are dissolved by denatured alcohol.

The next possible alternative is to use a cheap bug sprayer used by any lawn-care service. Not only are these tanks relatively inexpensive but they're designed to be pressurized. The tank can be pressurized using any common air compressor. All that would be left is the spraying apparatus with a pilot light attached. There you have it, a flame thrower ready to burn armies of the undead to a cinder.

NEWS UPDATE

I have registered the domain zombitorium.com and within a few days I will begin to build a full fledged website. I'm growing tired of this blogging business. While blogspot's hosting is free, there's not much I can do in terms of design. Needless to say there's a lot of work in the near future for what I have planned.

MY FAVORITE RECORDS: PART 1

A common question I hear everyday is "What kind of music do you listen to?" This always amuses me because after the age of 20 very few people care what music anyone listens to. The answer to the question however is typically, "All kinds." For now that means remixed tracks from old videogames available for download from VGMIX and OCREMIX. What people don't know is that I have a secret stash of old hip-hop tracks. The bright colored neon style of early 80's hip-hop help to brigthen my day. Take a look at the cover to my favorite Devastatin' Dave record.

I'M HAVING A BAD DAY

MOVING ALONG NOW. LET'S ALL TAKE A LOOK AT THE SCIENTOLOGY HANDBOOK: THE DUMBEST BOOK EVER PRINTED

Seeing as how I can't seem to get my Buckaroo Bonzai flash applet to work correctly, it's time to move on to some photoshop. Recently someone scanned in pictures from THE SCIENTOLOGY HANDBOOK and posted them on the Something Awful forums. These pictures, taken either in the late 1970's through the mid 80's, depict individuals using Scientology in their everday lives.

Unfortunately these pictures make little sense and leave you scratching your head and saying "what in the holy fuck is wrong with these people?" Take a look at some examples.

FIRE
SIMILARITIES ARE SIMILAR!
STUPID FUCKING REDNECK
MAGICAL WAREHOUSE ADVENTURE
YES, I'M FEELING BRIGHTER ALREADY!
TIME FOR A MANLY EMBRACE
WHAT?
THE CHAIR AND TABLE INCIDENT

Pay close attention to the last picture as it is the subject of my most recent photoshop. Naturally with idiocy like this one can't help but make a visual joke for all to see. But since working a crummy tech support job has pretty much ruined all my abilities for humor and creativity, I made an adaptation of a Red Meat comic strip by Max Canon.

Take a look at my adaptation and enjoy.

Goddamnit! Seems like I'm still doing this wrong.

20 YEARS FROM NOW, THE AMERICAN FILM INSTITUTE WILL CLAIM THIS MOVIE AS BEING THE BEST MOVIE EVER MADE

Screw you Citizen Kane, say hello to the next cinematic masterpiece.

"After 20, no one cares if you're nice."
- George Orwell

Status Anxiety. Every adult life, he says, is defined by two great love stories. The first is our quest for sexual love, which is well known and well charted. The second is our quest for love from the world, and that's a more secret and shameful tale.

A few words of wisdom that seem to ring true as adulthood kicks into full gear. In any sort of social situation the same question keeps getting asked. "What do you do?" For a while now all I could say was "Not much, but I make a lot of bad art on the side." Now I get to tell them "I'm an internet technology specialist!" (aka, teach southerners how to right click)

It's always inspiring to see someone who manages to be successful at doing something they love. As a person who's been praised for certain creative talents the aspect of accepting mediocrity is very dissapointing. I guess what it all boils down to is if I am to be judged for what I do in life, then I'd prefer to be doing something that I enjoy.

Maybe I'll stick around and get the digital art degree instead of an MBA. Maybe I'm just thinking too much.

WOW! WINDOWS REALLLY IS CRAP!

Right now I'm making this post while running the latest version of Knoppix. For those of you who don't know, Knoppix is a linux distribution that is exists on a single cd. Meaning, if you want to run linux, all you need to do is pop in the cd and boot off of the drive. The entire OS is loaded into RAM.

For the past two months my good friend Edward Carter offered to teach me how to program in perl and I never could because I couldn't install linux on this machine. Apparently you cannot partition a "dynamic" hard drive. Luckily on my birthday, John Roland (god bless is heart) handed me a copy of Knoppix.

Just today I started running Knoppix just as a little project for the night. This is the first time I've used Linux since my Junior year of college. Then I was using a commercial distribution of Debian called "Stormix" for my programming classes.

So here's the real kicker about Knoppix. You already know that it runs off of cd and loads itself into the RAM of your machine. What you probably didn't know is that despite all this, Knoppix runs much faster on my machine than Windows XP ever did. That's just shameful. Now, to reinstall everything and to get Adobe CS working on Linux...

Weegee used the trunk of his car as a darkroom.

Arthur Fellig, better known as Weegee, contributed images of murder, mayhem, and drama to New York's press through the 1930's and 40's. Weegee derived his name from the phonetic spelling of Ouija, claiming that psychic powers enabled him to be the first at fires, crime scenes and the like.

A little photoshop or two of famous photography helps pass the time on a Sunday morning. Here, take a look.



If you want to see more of the work of Mr. WeeGee, then go visit here, here, and here.

"Quite an experience to live in fear, isn't it? That's what it's like to live as a slave."
-Roy Batty -- "Blade Runner"

After staying up 22 hours yesterday it doesn't make any sense for me to have only 6 hours of sleep. It is possible to be so mentally worn down by shit work that you or anyone else would be willing to fight off feelings of fatigue just to be with friends. The lack of adventure and social interraction is getting to me.

Needless to say, an adventure is required. At 24 years old I have too many regrets and not enough happy memories. A certain level of caution was always there to prevent me from taking those risks. Caution can be helpful at times. A careful forethought that hopefully prevents one from doing extremely stupid activities. Activities such as running around in a thunderstorm while carrying a t.v. antennae wrapped in tin foil. The problem with being a cautious person is that it's hard to have fun in life without taking stupid risks.

Imagine seeing Surgeon General warning labeles plastered on everything you see but not just for cigarettes and alcohol. Right now I see getting an MBA at ASU as "WARNING: Persuing higher education in a field you were never suited for will cause regret and loss of friends." Thus staying in Arizona is labeled as "WARNING: If you don't leave now your life will never change." At the same time leaving home reads as "WARNING: May cause endless wandering and poverty." The worst is seeing this label on a woman I find attractive. "WARNING: Persuing relations with this person may cause heartbreak, humiliation, and financial loss."

All these labels are generated by fear. Back in October, someone very close to me, someone I loved very much asked me if I would go skydiving with her. I was mortified with fear over the idea of jumping out of an airplane. "I don't want to be that 1/10000th guy who's parachute doesn't open." While a parachute not opening is a valid concern and a dangerous possiblity, that wasn't the reason why I didn't go skydiving. Fear had gotten the best of me. Here was an activity that I wanted to do, but my own fear wouldn't allow it.

The only way to strengthen a relationship is to take a risk. I learned the hard way that if you don't take risks with the person you care about, then they just might go find someone else who will. The skydiving opportunity is just one incident out of many that led to the demise of a relationship that I cherished above all others. Feelings of regret and bitterness bubble up from my stomach when I look back at it all and that's the problem. No one should feel regret looking back at their lives. Instead, they should be able to look back and say "at least I took a chance."

WELCOME TO THE BOTTOM OF THE HOLE

At least that's what a fellow co-worker told me yesterday. It seems like the University of Phoenix is where people go when they fail or get screwed over. Outside of these walls people are moving on to bigger and better things. Folks are moving into their careers, getting married, etc...

Where am I and what am I doing? I'm in the hole.

I'M SORRY

One look at my site statistics have shown that hits have gone down like a lot of percents! I want to apologize to my loyal readers out there who come here everyday looking for TOTALLY AWESOME content. Life's been a little rough in the Zombitorium as of late. My usual content of gross crap, vector traced animation stills, and cooky images has been replaced with boring tales of how I'm a cog in a machine.

Well, just to give you a flavor of the old stuff. Here's an animated picture from one of my favorite movies of all time. Batman.


"Some days you just can't get rid of a bomb!"

Trapped Inside

Greetings from the university of Phoenix Online building 3201. As stated in one of my comments, I'm interviewing later today for a graphic design job at U.S. Screen Printing. Hopefully I can jump ship out of a job that would require me to answer phones for the second half of a day and do something that's more suitable for my talents.

Just being in a work setting again has made me calmer. There is a fear lurking inside this old brain that this type of job will turn me into quite a mundane individual. It must be a new mission for me not to become an uncharismatic working stiff. The environment here is much like the environment back at Eller College. White boards, power point slides, and lots of crude office humor. However, a lot of the fellow trainees are nice and interesting people.

Many of the guys here are ex-military folk just trying to get by. Others have been working in tech support since the mid 90's and are trying to recover from massive lay-offs that occurred not too long ago at MCI. A very lovely young lady sitting next to me shared a story about working as a convenience store clerk. She told stories about the many items that were thrown at her while working. The most notable item was a whiskey bottle followed closely by a sub sandwich.

The working world is indeed a bitch and it does make one dream of a hermit like existence up in a cold foggy mountain. Only problem with a cold foggy mountain would be the lack of photoshop + illustrator. I'd give anything right now if I could photoshop a killer whale jumping out of the ocean while having air to surface missiles attached to its fins.

GOODBYE

I'll be gone for the next two months. The goal: earn enough money to leave. So to my friends who I will not see during the hours of 4 p.m. - 2 a.m., you will be missed.

FINISHED IN A SINGLE DAY

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Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you my latest vector trace. This is Zack Hugh from the "Running Man" animated short you may remember seeing on MTV's Liquid Television back in 1992.

REMIND ME TO NEVER VISIT CARLSBERG

Goddamn that photo creeps me out. Now onto the list.


  1.  Build web server with John
  2.  Create new lay out for blog and other blogs
  3.  Create post about the wonders of drinking black lemonade
  4.  Create MAME box of own design.
  5.  Learn to how cook Agedashi Tofu for a pot luck
  6.  Sit in and use Dan McCleary's fabled computer chair
  7.  Defeat "Ghosts and Goblins" on the NES.
  8.  Finish and perfect my upcomming zombie tribute to DeChirico
  9.  Rewatch all the good movies from the past 2 years with Sara when she returns
10.  Study for and pass the GMAT with flying colors
11.  Get a job.
12.  Go hiking in Havasupai
13.  Go back to school


Well technically I got a job. A real shitty job that starts on monday. It will get me money, but it's the graveyard shift. Luckily I'm still in the running for a few jobs at other locations, so with any luck I'll get hired onto them while training for the god awful one I have now.

Sorry, I just wanted an excuse to post the cover to one of my favorite NES games. RESCUE: THE EMBASSY MISSION Yesterday's events, while not as thrilling as rescuing an embassy from terrorists, are interesting enough to make a decent story.

At around 11:00 AM I receive a call from my good friend John Roland. John provided the usual "Hey how's it going," phone conversation starter but there was a slight hint of anxiety in his voice. While conversing back to John the usual "not much right now," a faint voice was heard in the background saying, "SAVE US." That voice belonged to Ryan Smith. John, knowing that I heard Mr. Smith's cry for help, fessed up when I asked him where he was at the moment.

John and Ryan had gone hiking up South Mountain. The two of them started in the early morning and managed to hike for four hours. Their goal was to reach the T.V. Towers stationed at the top of South Mountain. When John and Ryan finally reached the towers, they were out of water. Rather than face dehydration and heat-stroke, they decided to enlist someone to drive up the mountain and save them.

So in the car I went off to the mountain to save my friends in peril. A problem soon arose. I didn't know how to reach them. Worse yet, my car was severely low on precious gasoline. There existed a possibility that I could get stranded up on the mountain along with my friends. Of course that possibility didn't stop me from being hasty and reckless. My friends needed me! So up the windy roads of South Mountain Park I went.

When the sign says to go only 15 mph on the road to the T.V. Tower, it's not fucking around. Even my little Honda, with its outstanding turning radius, was having difficulty navigating around this narrow road. Adding to the suspense and danger, the gas needle kept falling down near that horrible little 'E'. I arrived at the small look-out parking lot at the summit where I found Ryan and John conversing with people inside a large white truck. Inside the truck were two Native American gentlemen. The driver was named Clancy and the passenger (whose name I don't remember) was very drunk.

John and Ryan were happy to see their rescuer had finally arrived. Their eyes bugged out once they saw the two large bottles of fresh water I brought to quench their thirst for precious water. They climbed into the car as I cranked up the A.C. and we soon headed back home. Of course going down the mountain along that windy road was twice as scary going up it. The road was no match for my superior driving skills and everyone made it back to John's house safe and sound.

YOU COULD WIN $100

BUT FIRST YOU HAVE TO WIN THE CONTEST

So that's my entry to Something Awful's latest photosohp contest. It turns out, Something Awful is going to distribute dvd's for a humor webpage called MEGA 64 The video just contains two dorks running around pulling pranks on people. Sure you've seen this a dozen times since Candid Camera, but these guys are doing the same act with a twist. That twist of course being pranks involving videogames. Yeah, watching a guy dressed up as an L-shaped tetris block running around in a grocery store isn't my idea of good entertainment, but winning this contest could land me 100 bucks.

Seeing as how these folks like videogames, why not paste their faces on the best video game that ever existed. River City Ransom.

PATTERNS

I had a discussion with my good friend John Roland as I was driving into Phoenix this past Sunday evening.

Me: Hey John, how's it going? I just got back into Phoenix.

John: You went to Tucson, right? How was it?

Me: How did you know I went to Tucson? I left Friday on a whim without really telling anyone.

John: Well I figured you were definately out of town since you weren't online on AIM.

Me: You know, while I always have trillian turned on, I'm usually set the status to away.

John: Of course, but in this situation your screen name wasn't even showing. The only time when I've seen that occur is when you're out of town or it's really late at night.

Me: Good point.

Yes I went to Tucson for a bit. Nothing notworthy happened of course, just chilled, met some interesting people and got to meet up with old friends from college. The reason I went is to break free of my pattern. While not being anything close to an adventure, taking a quick trip to Tucson helped to change up my weekend routine, plus I got to eat Brooklyn Pizza (a pizza parlour, not actual pizza from Brooklyn, NY) for the first time in a year and a half.

I have a fear of being predictable. Having a pattern of activity means that others can predict your actions. If one was so inclined, it would be possible to manipulate another person by reconginizng patterns of behavior. This post was supposed to be something interesting, but at 4:45 AM, I doubt that's even possible at this point.

Goodnight.

HE'S WATCHING...

BADMINTON CAN BE FUN...

IF YOU SAY THE SCORES CORRECTLY

Last saturday was a big celebration. There were fajitas, kilt lifter, super monkey balls, decadant chocolate pies, and lots of badminton. Badminton is a wonderful game, and as someone demonstrated that evening, it's one of the few games you can play one handed while drinking a beer. In a relaxed environment competitive nastiness disappears and the need to keep score almost disappears as well.

When keeping score becomes obsolete and all anyone wants to do is just play for the hell of it, then a new type of scoring system must be created. As we all know, you can't serve off a shuttlecock without calling out the score first. To do anything else would just be plain barbaric. My friends and I are victims of being exposed to way too much media, so naturally our new scoring system of the night would involve the names of pop culture icons relevant to our generation. For example, before serving off the shuttlecock, a player would propose one icon vs. another. Whoever gains the point determines which icon is superior. For example... "Dark Crystal vs. Labyrinth." The victor of that round was of course Dark Crystal.

Now I shall attempt to list all the matches that my memory will allow


Transformers Vs. GoBots
GI Joe Vs. M.A.S.K.
Cylons Vs. Stormtroopers
Battlestar Galactica Vs. Buck Rogers
(biddy biddy biddy)
Operations Vs. Don't Wake Daddy
Battleship Vs. Candyland
(Battleship is the game that teaches children how to lie)
The Last Starfighter Vs. Commander Kril
(Commander Kril surprisingly did not die)
Mighty Max Vs. Polly Pocket
ED 209 Vs. Robocop 3
Predator Vs. Running Man
Eisner Vs. Disney
Eisner Vs. The Devil
(Go Devil!)
Eisner Vs. Jesus
Eisner Vs. The Holy Ghost
(Eisner could not defeat a non-corporial form)
Rainbow Brite Vs. Strawberry Shortcake
Masters of the Universe Vs. Power Lords
RoboForce Vs. Starriors
Van Helsing Vs. Monster Squad
Hungry Hungry Hippos Vs. Crossfire
M.U.S.C.L.E. Vs. Battle Beasts
Supernaturals Vs. Visionaries
Dukes of Hazard Vs. BJ & The Bear
Nintendo Vs. Sega
(Coins Vs. Rings)
Thundercats Vs. Silverhawks
Laser Tag Vs. Photon


So far, that's all I can remember at 1:20 AM.

You're GI Joe with the Kung Fu Grip!! You're
strong, tough, and know how to kick some ass.
Don't forget though, no matter how manly you
think you are, you're still just a doll. God
Bless America.


What childhood toy from the 80s are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

KUNG FU GRIP INDEED!

I'm not one for those silly online quizes, but this one appeals to me most. I have finally approached age 24, the age when supposedly a person stops enjoying new things. I think I'm ready for this stage since I've been a nostalgic bastard since age 19. Fitting that the results of the quiz would turn out to be GI JOE, except the 12" doll sized version of GI JOE wasn't the popular toy of the 1980's. The popular toy was the 3 3/4" size action figure, and for those who don't know... the 3 3/4" size action figure was first made popular by Star Wars.

SEE! I know too much useless nostalgic crap for my own good. Oh well... happy birthday to me. Tonight many bottles of Kilt Lifter will be drank in celebration of 24 years well spent.

AND NOW, A DEDICATION

To a time when the popular T.V. show, The Simpsons, was a good show instead of the unfunny crap it is today in the year 2004.


"HE CAN TALK... HE CAN TALK..."

BEHOLD THE GREATEST PIECE OF ANIMATION EVER CREATED

"I LOVE YOU DR. ZAIUS!"

PICTURE RESTORATION IN PHOTOSOHP

Quite often I do a lot of favors for folks who email me pictures and want me to alter them in Photoshop. Last month, an individual sent me an image of an old family photo and they wanted me to restore the image. The picture itself was badly damaged and even contained a few nasty creases and tears. However, it only took me an hour to finish the whole process. Sadly, I don't have the original file (must've deleted it by accident) so there's no way to compare that with the finished photo I'm about to show you.

This will also be a good opportunity to notice certain effects that photoshop creates. Look around the edges of the center of the image for a while and take notice of special blending techniques used to soften the edges of the clothes with the background wall.

YOU ARE INVITED

PARTY @ MY HOUSE STARTING @ 5:00 PM SATURDAY, MAY 22, 2004

Because that day happens to be my birthday. Anyone who reads this site on a regular basis is invited to come have fun, eat delicious bbq food, play video games on an HDTV, and challenge other people to games of badminton. If you can't have fun doing any of these activities then you just plain suck at life.

While food and beer (mini-kegs and half-gallon jugs of local brewery goodness) will be provided, everyone is encouraged to bring whatever they like for their own consumption. Since most of my friends happen to enjoy a vegetarian diet, many batches of delicious falafel will be served.

I'll provide the food & drink while all of you out there only need to bring yourselves. Sweet deal huh?

I LOVE THE POWERGLOVE

IT'S SO BAD.