ANOTHER SOCIAL FAILURE

I seem to have yet again, failed to make any headway on being a social human being. Everyone knows me as being somewhat anti-social, but it's never been because I wanted to be. I'm just really awful at connecting with people I don't know. Call it shyness or anxiety, but for some reason I just... can't... do it. This is a big problem now as my close circle friends is finally heading off into their own directions. I'll soon be left on my own again.

The biggest problem I have with social interaction involves parties. I keep going to them in hopes that I'll get better at being a social human being. Ever since I was 18, I've fallen into the same pattern of behavior. I end up going into "observer" mode. In the midst of all the noise and the chatter, I'll sit on the side lines and watch others carry on.

I also need to stop drinking beer at parties. While everyone else believes I'm full of shit when I say this but beer just makes me sleepy. Really really sleepy. Imagine if someone shoved two bricks of lead into your skull and expected you to stay awake. After drinking just two beers I simply cannot keep my head up. People claim that alcohol helps to lower your inhibitions while all my life it seems to turn my inhibitions up to 11 and shut me down.

It's sad, because now I'm 24 and severely lacking in skills and experiences needed to be a well-rounded person. I thought 4 1/2 years of college would have helped me break this pattern, but it didn't. I really feel like I let everyone down last night and if that's the case, then I'm really sorry.