And now it's time for the story of...

THE WORST BEVERAGE I HAVE EVER TASTED!

My last post was about the greatest drink on the planet. Now it is time for me to tell the tale of the worst beverage that could ever exist. This is a post about Chili Beer.

This bottle of Satan's piss is brought to you by folks in Cave Creek, AZ. For some reason unknown to me, these assholes up North in the state decided to take a perfectly good beer and ruin it by adding a jalapeño. What the hell? That's just wrong. So how did I manage to drink this vile concoction of evil? Well, it's a bit of a story really.

As you can see on the lists below, for a while now I've wanted to have a cook off with all of my friends. The idea is simple. Each of us cooks something and brings it to a gathering for us all to get together and eat. You'd think this would've happened much sooner, but much like everything amongst my friends, good ideas seem to be kept at bay with heavy amounts of laziness. I of course am very lazy and am guilty of doing such a thing many times in the past. Imagine my surprise of course when on Thursday of this week, on the spur of a moment my friends decide to finally pull it off. I should've known nothing like this could've been planned, it just had to happen. Thank God it did finally happen, although I curse the name of the lord just for the Chili Beer. More on that as the story continues.

I brought to the table some falafel, basmati rice, and home baked dill rye bread perfect for dipping into soup. It was all a big hit with everyone who tried it, and I couldn't have been happier. The other dishes I enjoyed the most was John's stir fry of tofu+asparagas, and Brian's kick ass broccoli+cheese soup that was enhanced with the power of Bud Light. If anything it would be awesome if cook offs like these became the regular activity for Thursday evenings. While the cooking died down, everyone left for the living room. It was there John decided to bring... it. He brought the horror of horrors into the room.

The bottle of beer was part of a box set of beers commemorating "Beers of America." It was a gift given to Nick from Ben. Of course Nick doesn't really drink beer, so he let everyone else take a stab at it. John walks in with a bottle of Chili Beer in hand. With a "Dude! YOU GOTTA TRY THIS!" look on his face, he looked towards me. I was amazed at the digusting vision before my eyes. Jalapeño floating in a bottle of beer, reminding me of when Damon Wayans would play his bum character on Living Color in which he carried around a clear jar of yellow liquid with a pickle inside to simulate a floating turd. Being a man, and being a fool, I had to try this beer. John handed me the bottle, and I took a healthy swig of this vile potion. It had the texture of a beer, but it tasted like Jalapeño and burned like one too. That shit ain't right man.

I didn't gag, I didn't puke, but man did my face ever contort at the mere taste of that awful liquid. Never in my life have I tasted something so foul. Of course this beer was passed around to everyone. You weren't a real man unless you tried "the beer." I'm still amazed that Brian tried it, since he is the man who started to sweat after eating one piece of Freschetta 4 cheese pizza. He lived, toughed it out, and made it through. I was really proud of him.

And that my friends, is the story of the worst beverage I have ever tasted.