HORSES SCARE THE SHIT OUT OF ME!

Keep reading to find out why!

Hey everyone, trying to keep the melodrama blogging to a minimum and get back on track with this old page of mine. A total redesign should be coming soon as this page layout is starting to bore me and probably all of you readers out there. Today's topic of discussion: horses.

The domestic horse/pony is scientifically classified as follows:


Phylum: Chordata
Class: Mammalia
Order: Perissodactyla
Family: Equidae
Species: Equus caballus


Translation: HORSE = EVIL.

Horses are creepy animals that have slender legs, an enlogated head with huge human like teeth, and a narrow muscular body. Every time I see a horse I think it's going to charge after me, run me over, and start gnawing off my face with its teeth. Not a pleasant thought at all. I'm not sure where this fear of horses originates from. I think back in pre-school my mother had me sit up on a horse for picture day. The source of all my fears most liekly originate from some blocked out childhood trauma. No doubt that horse probably threw my 3 year old self off its back and began to gnaw on me like in my nightmares. The skeleton of a horse, as you can see on the right can do nothing but strike fear into any man's heart.

Horses also manage to inflict horror upon onlookers. Who can forget the creepy horse sequences in the 2003 remake of "The Ring." These scenes depicted dead horses littering a beach as seen in the cursed video tape. Later in the movie we all got a good laugh when that horse on the ferry goes nuts, breaks loose, and runs off the side only to be chopped up by the boat's propeller. Fear is the ally of a horse. A horse can sense fear within a human being and that sense will drive the horse mad. The worse will begin to buck wildly trying to break free of whatever confines it. Using powerful muscular legs to smash open a steel holding pin or cage and trample you on sight.

I am quickly reminded of the game Castlevania IV for the SNES. One of the first SNES games to be released back in 1991, Castlevania IV was actually a remake of the original Castlevania for the NES. Oddly enough the programming of the game was not done by Konami staff but instead by Treasure of Japan, makers of such awsome games as Gunstar Heroes and Radiant Silvergun. In Castlevania IV the two most hideous enemies you will face are actually horses. Despite what you were thinking, that little hedgehog in the 2nd level is not the worst, but it is annoying. The two horse characters I speak of all come from the very first level of the game. In this level you will tavel through the entrance of Dracula's castle which contains a stable. In the stable you can see the heads of dead horses lying about. Get near one and they fly at you and attack you! AAAHHH! To make things worse, the end of the level contains a boss that is a skeleton man riding on top of a skeleton horse. If I were Simon Belmont, I would've ran home screaming and said "Fuck this, I'm moving to Venice!"

Sure the horse was the classic beast of burden up until the invention of the internal combustion engine. Sure, horses can be domesticated and controlled into being fairly docile creatures. But just look at them! They're hideous large toothed beasts with blackened evil in their oversized glassy eyes. If you're a horse, or know someone that is a horse, stay the hell away from me. Come near me and I'll get Mongo to take care of you and the horse you rode in on.

Doing a little redesign work... don't be alarmed if this place changes all of a sudden.

Rube Goldberg (1883-1970), the Pulitzer Prize winning cartoonist, inventor, author, and sculptor has been on my mind lately. If you've ever seen his "INVENTIONS" comic, it's apparent that Rube Goldberg discovered difficult ways to achieve easy results. His cartoons were symbols of man's capacity for exerting maximum effort to accomplish minimal results. He believed that there were two ways to do things: the simple way and the hard way, and that a surprisingly number of people preferred doing things the hard way. Rube's drawings depict absurdly-connected machines functioning in extremely complex ways to produce a simple end result.

Here, take a look at his way for keeping someone from forgetting to mail their wife's letter.



Yes, that image is ruthlessly absurd.

Now why has the late Mr. Goldberg been on my mind? That little piece of nostalgic fun coupled with rediscovering a fun little game from the past. The highly addictive "The Incredible Machine" or the latest version known as "The Even MORE Incredible Machine," has fallen into my possession. At least Sierra's naming scheme for game sequels and updates isn't as silly as Capcom. Had Capcom gotten their hands on this game series I'm sure I'd be playing "The Even More Incredible Machine EX+ ALPHA Turbo Hyper-Fighting."

To play the game you are given the following:

1. A 2d environment
2. A specific task must be performed within this environment.
3. A different assortment of contraptions to be used to perform the task.

The aforementioned tools can include everything from conveyer belts, laser lights, rockets, and even the occasional cat. The contraptions need to be arranged to form an elaborate Rube Goldberg Machine. This machine if constructed properly will perform the given task, thus allowing you to advance to the next environment. Here's an example of a difficult task involving mice, pulleys, and cheese. The picture on the left is an untouched environment while the picture on the right is the solution.

**click on each picture for full sized version**


As seen in those pictures, the game can get quite complex. Now let me struggle with actually finding a point to all of you've read so far. I'm fascinated with this game as well as the concept of the Rube Goldberg style machine. In life people are given an environment and tasks to perform within that environment. People may also have certain contraptions or tools to aid them with their tasks. These contraptions can be anything from knowledge, experience, physical prowess, or wealth.

The perfect person could look at the environment, make an assessment of his/her tools, and understand how they both come together to perform the task. Unfortunately not too many of us out there are perfect. Rarely do we have the patience to solve complex problems especially if these problems are not fully understood.

This game causes me to realize how much I can't accept failure. Knowing that a solution to the problem the game provides causes you to constantly try new ways to solve the problem. The problem can be solved. The pieces just need to put together in the correct order and place. Through trial and error it is possible to understand why a particular configuration of contraptions has failed.

You were never meant to launch that rocket into the wall causing a basketball to fall off the wall and into a bucket attached to a cage that is hiding cheese from our mouse friend. The cage can only be opened with a rope. We can attach a bucket to the cage via a rope, but there's no place for the bucket to fall and create enough energy to pull the rope that will lift open the cage. Therefore the cage cannot be opened. Facing this situation, I would say, "That’s ridiculous!" Even though I failed to open that cage with my original method, I would review my given contraptions and analyze the given environment yet again. I'm not one to accept failure. If I am to accept failure, then I better figure out how I failed in the first place. Merely accepting failure as what was supposed to happen is not an option.

"A HA," I say to myself. That basketball could fall on top of a hamster cage that is attached to a power generator with a belt. When the ball hits the hamster cage, the hamster starts to run in his wheel. The spinning wheel will turn the gears of the power generator that the wheel is connected to by a belt. This will create power for a laser which will ignite the hot air balloon that is attached to the cage hiding the cheese for our mouse friend via a rope. When the rope is pulled upward by the balloon, the cage is lifted and our mouse will victoriously feast on a slice of cheese. The cage can be opened. The problem just requires a different method with a different combination of contraptions. Unfortunately in life, the option for unlimited tries is not available.

There, I added a TUTORIAL for anyone who wants to know how to resize and display images for their blog. Let me know if you have any questions or gripes about the page. I hope I did it right.

The truth is I miss going to school. This has been a year of leisure for me. While it's nice not to have any responsibilties the problem with too much leisure is it tends to make you lose purpose. Finishing up school was such a dreadful experience that I almost wanted to take 2 years off doing absolutely nothing. I have that list, but there isn't enough pressure on me to complete it. Right now I'm studying for GMAT and that's all I have on my plate for the moment. Beating anymore Ghosts & Goblins style games is off the list for now.

I miss having deadlines to make. I miss having projects to finish. Most of all, I miss being a part of the world. At the very least I would like to go back to school someday. Whatever career field I chose for myself the first time through certainly isn't working out now. Perhaps its time I turn my hobby of chemistry into a full fledged study. In time I might finally learn how to erase other people's faces with the power of calcium.

Either way, what I really want at the end of the day is an excuse to treat myself to a nice cold beer and a tasty cigar in celebration for a job well done. It has been a long while since I have had that experience. With any luck I will be able to have it again.

THE SEDONA ADVENTURE

Part 3: Us Vs. Nature

"I have to die to live!"

With our bellies full of food, we traveled down the winding mountain road back to our campsite. The warmth of Jessica's Jeep Cherokee's heated AC was slightly cooking my feet. I sat in the car and thought "I know I'm going to miss this feeling as soon as I crawl into that tent." Oh how right I was. We arrived back at camp, turned on our flashlights, and walked towards our empty tent. With everyone inside the zipper cover of the tent was shut. It would not be opened until early the next day.

For about an hour the four of us either slept or read a book. Conversation throughout the whole trip was surprisingly light and with my worrisome nature I couldn't help to think that something was wrong as a result. Those worries were replaced by others as soon as mother nature decided to punish us for daring to sleep out in the wilderness. One drop of water fell from the sky and hit the tent. Then two in succession. Next you hear the rhythm of the drops pick up a little tempo and in hardly any time imaginable Mother Nature turned on her faucet above our tent. We had a tarp and a rain cover, but we forgot to do something very important when we set up camp.

Camping area 19 had a slight slope to it. Hardly noticeable, but it was there. We should have dug a small trench around the tarp to prevent water from flowing over it and underneath the tent. Of course we did not do this, and water did indeed flow underneath our tent. There the water would slightly freeze and soak through the bottom of the tent for the night. Frozen water underneath the tent made condiitions quite unbearable for my friends. With my cortex jacket, thick down sleeping bag, and foam pad underneath, I was able to survive quite unscathed from the harsh weather. John, Jessica, and Brian weren't nearly as lucky.

The rain kept falling through the night, and the bottom of the tent soaked up more water. At this point the weather is already freezing, the water soaked up by the tent turning into icy slush, and the temperature inside the tent was dropping rapidly. Brian and Jessica woke up in the middle of the night realizing what had happened. Their sleeping bags were almost soaked through and anything touching the bottom of the tent was drenched with icy cold water. John woke himself up just from shivering too much. To fight off the cold, John kept descending deeper into his sleeping bag. Soon he was ready to close the entire bag around him to be protected from the icy death trying to eat his skin.

"That's it, I'm closing this sleeping bag completely. I'm going to suffocate. I HAVE TO DIE TO LIVE!"

This made me laugh as it reminded me of a tagline for a very silly movie.



No one was comfortable, and I was still having problems sleeping. While the rain didn't stop, hope came back to us as soon as light started permeating through the nylon walls of the tent. The sun was coming up, and morning was soon to arrive. Everyone agreed that as soon as the rain stopped, we were packing up and going home.

Of course the rain finally stopped, and everyone got their gear together in a hurry. No time to pack things properly, we shoved everything as fast as we could into the back of the Jeep. Our gear was wet and filthy. We were wet and filthy. We were ready to go home. Driving away from Sedona my mind kept thinking about what I just went through.

LESSONS LEARNED

1. Pay attention to weather reports
2. Dig a trench around your camp site
3. DO NOT EAT ANYTHING THAT IS "SELF-HEATED"
4. Wherever you go, there you are. Your pain will follow you wherever you go.
5. Wearing many layers of clothing is the key to surviving the cold.

Now that I'm back in my warm cozy house, I find myself in the same situation I was in before I left. This spur of the moment one day camping trip wasn't going to solve any problems. However, it was at the very least a learning experience. One day I will return to Sedona but hopefully on a day with better weather conditions. Until then I'm looking forward to hiking through Havasupai.

THE SEDONA ADVENTURE

Part 2: The Snooty Cafe

As night approached, John and myself decided to stay in the car while Brian and Jessica napped away in the tent. They weren't coming out anytime soon and he had homework to do. Me? I was fighting off the after effects of the self-heating lasagna. The experience will forever remind me never to eat anything with "self-heating" on the package. As time rolled on, the windows became fogged up with our every breath. The outside world began to fade as the fog increased and the light outside decreased. All that remained were slight shadows of trees and the occaisional light of a car's headlights shining through them. It didn't take very long to get dark, and by 6:00 everything was hidden by the black of the night.

Always living in areas where street lamps and other illumination is available, it was a very different experience to rely upon a flash light to see where you're going. Speaking of flashlights, Brian and Jessica finally woke up in the tent, no doubt wondering where in the world John and I ran off to. It didn't take long for Jessica to realize we'd been huddled up in the car. The windows were a dead give away.

The thing to note is that I'm not an experienced camper, but out of everyone on this trip I was the most prepared. I brought plenty of food (minus the un-edible lasagna of course), warm clothing, and an adequate sleeping bag to fight off the cold. Apparently, John and Jessica were not so prepared concerning food. Of course after suffering through self-heated evil, my need to eat at that point had somewhat diminished, but John and Jessica were very hungry. After a bit of effort, John and Jessica were able to convince Brian to leave the camp site for a bit and attempt to find food in town. Off to town we went, realizing what complete failures at "roughing it" we had just become.

Along the road there were many places to eat. There were a surprisngly large amount of pizzerias and the occasional Indian cuisine restaraunt. The decision was then made to stop and eat at a cafe, since cafe's are known to serve hot chocolate from time to time. Damn that would have been nice. Up the road we stopped at a cafe. It's name is lost to me at the moment, but rest assured, this wasn't the type of cafe you were thinking of. This was a snooty cafe.

Sedona is the place where rich people go to die. Retired millionaires in their 60's populate the area. No matter where we went in the city, we were given looks that we read as, "YOU DON'T BELONG HERE, YOU GANG OF FILTHY HOBOS!" The surrounding restaurants and shops charge an arm and a leg for a meal. Upon entering this small cafe we realized we were in the wrong place. When standing ready to be seated by a waiter, we were asked if we had any reservations. You know you're in trouble when you're asked if you have any reservations. Especially when you're wearing old pants, a beany, and 6 layers of thick, roughed up clothing.

"$20 a plate?"

Yeah we got out of there fast. Luckily we found a Bashas nearby. There I was able to acquire some protein bars for the next day and my friends all got themselves some warm roasted potatoes. It was good that they did, because they would need every bit of warmth to survive what was waiting for us back at camp.

Mother nature had planned something fun for us all that night.

Stay tuned for Part 3: Us Vs. Nature.

THE SEDONA ADVENTURE

Part 1: The Internal Monologue

Bright and early yesterday morning is when the four of us hopped in Jessica's Jeep Cherokee.

Destination: Sedona, AZ
Time of Departure: 7:00 am
Time of Arrival: 9 ish
Weather Conditions: Cold. Damn cold.

Sedona if a very beautiful place and if you haven't been there at least once, you should go as soon as you can. Strange red mountains, thickets of trees, and you know what... we should have taken pictures.

We found a little cozy campsite just off the road where we would spend the night. In the beginning it was only John, Jessica, Brian, and myself who were enjoying this forrest wonderland until later when we acquired neighbors. They were folks who camped in their cars while we got to experience the wonders of nature and all she had to offer that night. More on that in a future update.

While Brian and Jessica felt the need to nap in the tent for a good portion of the day, John and myself took it upon ourselves to go exploring a little around the camp site. This was nice since the camp site was located next to a creek with lots of fallen trees for us to cross over on. Conversation was difficult and has been for a while now. I fear that recent events have sapped my once pleasant personality and has left it empty. I find that I'm no longer funny, witty, or as entertaining as I used to be because I've got all this shit on my mind.

Also, camping has a weird effect on the body. When you try to live with only a limited supply of food, the body goes into a strange mode that doesn't make sense. It's constantly hungry, and this is bad If you have a limited supply of food. You should want to eat less so you can eat more later. Seems pretty logical, right? Well my body didn't seem to agree and neither did John's. I ate a peanut butter and jelly sandwhich on a bagel, and moments later I was hungry for more. The hunger just kept coming. John on the other hand was constantly eating as if he was in fear that if he didn't eat on the hour every hour he'd vanish into the thin, cold, air.

This effect added to what was an interesting internal monologue.

Brain: Well, we're here in Sedona. It's gorgeous and just smell that mountain air! Maybe I can finally relax and get some peace.
Stomach: I'm hungry.
Brain: We just fed you an hour ago? How the hell are you still hungry?
Stomach: Look, you've been keeping me mal-nourished for over a month and a half, get me some food already.
Brain: Look jerkass, live off the rest of the reserve. There's still some left on the sides that can go. Now, back to relaxing.
Heart: You know, it's times like this I really miss ...
Brain: YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP!
Heart: What? I do alright, is that a crime?
Brain: YES! Yes you asshole. Thinking like that is what got us here in the first place. NOW SHUT UP
Heart: Look I don't care what happened alright, you're not seeing the big picture here.
Brain: Good god, you're an idiot.
Stomach: Are you going to feed me or not?
Brain: Alright, give us a few minutes to sit here, enjoy the view of this lovely creek next to the mountain so... you know... we can RELAX. Then yes you will be fed.
Stomach: What are you going to feed me?
Brain: How about some spicy beef jerky? Huh? NOW CAN WE JUST RELAX... PLEASE?
Stomach: Oh alright... still hungry though
Heart: Look, it's a beautiful view and should be shared with someone. Your friends are all occupied and you're sitting here alone which I think IS a crime.
Brain: Didn't I tell you to shut up already?
Stomach: Look we're 168 lbs, it wont be against the law if we eat a little.
Brain: I know, I know... goddamnit would you both be quiet! The whole purpose of being here is to have some peace and quiet. I need to think on what to do with the rest of us for the next 40 years.
Heart: Sorry *sniffle*
Stomach: Just feed me already.

John: Hey buddy, you okay?
David: Yeah. I guess I'm still grieving, you know? By the way, are you really hungry?
John: Oh you have no idea.
David: Well then let's grab some food out of the car. I can't wait to try that self-heating lasagna I acquired from the camping goods store.

Conclusion: Self-heating lasagna, is not lasagna. While warm and squishy it should not be classified as food.

Stay tuned for Part 2: The Snooty Cafe

I still can't sleep very well. This is leading me to think I should go back and see the doctor again. It's times like this where thoughts of therapy and massive amounts of psychotropic drugs are coming to mind.

I'm off for the next couple of days to go camping up in Sedona. So far it's Brian, Ben, John, and myself on this trip. So far it would seem that we wont be back until Sunday.

This is crazy because

A. I don't camp
B. It's cold as a well digger's knees up there
C. I have no supplies
D. I'll go 2 days without making some kind of list.

But what the hell... sounds like fun. I'll go just for the adventure. In any case it beats sitting around here with a whole lot of nothing to do but make more posts about Ghouls & Ghosts.

Now to gather all the things I need.

  1. Sleeping Bag
  2. 2 pairs of thermal underwear
  3. 1 huge ass jacket
  4. 3 pairs of warm socks
  5. 2 gallons of water
  6. FOOD
  7. Some form of tent
  8. A new pair of eyes
  9. Love and affection
10. A brand new car... made of solid gold.

If I was making a list from the ZOMBIE SURVIVAL GUIDE then the list itself would require more weaponry. You can never have enough shotguns and crossbows to help you fight off hordes of the walking undead.

Ever since I came back I've been itching to leave again. Guess I have a wanderlust that needs to be satisfied, but hey, I'm young and have no responsiblities. "A rolling stone gathers no moss." Well after 23 years I'm starting to look like He-Man's enemy, Moss Man. Yes that includes the loin cloth, cave-manish posture (heh heh), and club wielding action grip.

Time to get rolling.

Man, people be acting all weird and shit. I come back after a week and bam... everything seems so different. Maybe it's just the start of the semester, but for the most part people are very tired and pissed off. I just hope I'm not the cause of any of these feelings. Lord only knows there's plenty enough for me to worry about right now.

So here I am at midnite after viewing the new Mars pictures off of the Nasa website. Every time I see the landscape of mars all I can think of is Arizona, only with less sage brush and cacti.

Coming Soon: Horses and why they scare the shit out of me.

Good news! I'M NOT DYING! Doctor says I'm in perfect health and nothing came up in my blood test. Looks like Chewbacca pulled through for me again. Thanks Chewie! As you can see, I fixed the comments. I'd do this for some of the other blogs, but I'd have to make the accounts on a different computer since it only allows one account per IP address.


SO GO BACK AND COMMENT AWAY!

While awaiting blood test results that could or could not be bad, I sit here in front of this computer yet again dealing with loss. Now it has moved onto some of my friends, who at the moment have started school again. This means I wont be able to see them nearly as often as I'd like. I guess being graduated and out of school leaves me with the feeling that I'm no longer part of the crowd. It's a time when you realize you need a little something more in life, something of your own that helps you through days like this.

Deep inside there's a feeling that everyone is gone. While this feeling is strong, it is not true. There has always someone there for me. Someone I know I can count on when the chips were down. Someone who'd chase after you throughout the entire galaxy if you were frozen in carbonite and shipped off to some slug like crime lord.

Thank you for always being there for me, Chewbacca.

Oh what a wookie.

Someone help me. For god's sake I can't sleep.

BEATEN!

FOR REAL THIS TIME!

There. I finally did it. I beat the most wretchedly hard NES game to ever exist. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. The kind of weight that is the equivalent of 4 Dodge Rams. Not 2 or 3, but 4!

This game can only be defeated by the sheer power of an unstoppable will (or a hell of a lot of "save-stating"). Mine was unstoppable. I would not rest until I defeated this game. Maybe now I can sleep a little easier knowing that I've overcome this great challenge in my life. Everything from here on out seems pretty much downhill. Get a job? Get married? Become rich and famous? None of those things can compare to the happiness that comes from defeating this god awful game.

Now onto the screenshots.

You just have to love the poor Japanese to English translation, or commonly referred to as "Engrish." Nothing makes me feel like I've achieved greatness like reading the word "Congraturation" on the screen. Even better than that is the encouragement to do this stupid crap all over again.

Yeah, I don't think so, Capcom. You can kiss my ass because I beat your worst. Unfortunately I'll probably spend the rest of my life trying to figure out what "Courageour" and "Strongth" mean. Other than that I don't know what else to say. I'm happy that this task of mine is finally done with.

Ah well, at least it was something that would cheer me up before I face the impending doom that is every new day of my life.

Now onto the list

01. Build web server with John
02. Create new lay out for blog and other blogs
03. Create post about the wonders of drinking black lemonade (under construction as I type this all out)
04. Create MAME box of own design.
05. Learn to how cook Agedashi Tofu for a pot luck
06. Sit in and use Dan McCleary's fabled computer chair
07. Defeat "Ghosts and Goblins" on the NES.
08. Finish and perfect my upcomming zombie tribute to DeChirico
09. Rewatch all the good movies from the past 2 years with Sara when she returns.
10. Study for and pass the GMAT with flying colors
11. Obtain MCSE certification
12. Get a job.
13. Go hiking in Havasupai
14. Go back to school

Ahh that feels better now. Still have 10 more things to do by the end of the year. I changed #6 because stealing is wrong. I'll feel almost as content just to sit in and use that chair. Also, I'm moving away from the arcade cabinet idea and instead want to make the mame "box" a portable device that can be plugged into any t.v. or monitor on the fly. If that's completed then making a docking station cabinet wouldn't be too far off the mark.

You know what, today needs to be a happy day. It's been a bit dreary around here, even for Zombitorium. Looks like I'm gonna have to step up to the plate and make things happier on my own. I went around to look for something that is usually dreary but needs some cheering up. So here's a picture of Kronos holding a nice bouquet of flowers instead of eating his own children.

See, even Van Gogh is happy!

It's official, I can't sleep anymore.

After working out earlier in the evening with my friend, John, my physical self was completely worn out. Surely someone as tired as I was that evening would have no problems sleeping. 4 hours of restless sleep later I find myself wide awake and staring into this screen again. It's driving me crazy.

There's still the feeling that something inside me is eating away and as a result some how I lost 30 lbs. of my body mass in under 6 weeks. No matter what, that cannot be healthy. This prompted me to finally seek out a doctor to see if something is seriously wrong with me. While the doctor couldn't find any physical abnormalities such as enlarged lymph glands, tissue growth, or signs of other illness, it was suggested that a number of tests should be performed on me to see what could be the problem. One has to worry when a doctor recommends chest x-rays and kidney tests after they say in a worried voice "you lost a lot of weight"

I seem to startle and amaze doctors with something they really haven't come in contact with before. Shortly after dislocating my right shoulder at age 18, I attended physical therapy. Before the therapy sessions could start I had to get checked by an orthopedic doctor. Of course when he saw and felt how my right shoulder kept popping out of the socket all he could say was, "Hmmmm.... that's weird. Do that again." It's never a good sign when a doctor is weirded out by something you've shown him/her.

All I know for certain right now is that I can't sleep.

BEATEN

Well, at least one game so far

I've been having problems sleeping lately. It's never good when you know you close your eyes and go to sleep that you're going to have a nightmare. If anything that my dreams have taught me lately, that there are things in this world much worse than dying. Since I can't sleep anymore, I try to keep my insomniac brain occupied with useless tasks to help me forget whatever it is that's been keeping me up at nights. After waking up from a terrible nightmare and having to change my sheets because they're soaked with my own sweat, I figured it was time for me to beat either Ghosts & Goblins or Ghouls & Ghosts. I picked Ghouls & Ghosts since it's by far the easiest.

As stated before I managed to play the game through once, only to find out that you have to play it through again on a "second quest" to beat the game. Having acquired the Goddess bracelet and magic armor, I set Arthur off to fight Loki for the last time. It took a hell of a long time, but I managed to get back to the mountain fortress to fight that weird Moth/Wasp boss again.

As you can see, my little drawing posted below wasn't too far off. Easily defeated, I advanced to the final boss of the game, Loki.

Well he's big, red, and has a silly looking nose. Worse yet is that he's a total weakling against the sheer power of the Goddess Bracelet. All that is required to defeat him is to stand under his legs and fire upward into his face. All that terrible gut-wrenching hair pulling work for such little pay off. At least we can all be happy for Arthur who's efforts are not made in vain. His princess provides him with the necessary affection for his deeds.

Well that's it for Ghoul's & Ghosts. This mediocre achievement doesn't make very good reading material but what the hell. At least I got one of these god awful games defeated. Now if only I can do the same for Ghosts & Goblins. Stay tuned for tomorrow when I talk about my favorite Greek god, Hephaestus. Until then, I still say FUCK YOU to Capcom for making such mind bendingly hard games.

Well at least those two have a happy ending. As for me, I head off to the doctor to find out why I'm now 168 lbs. As with any medical problem it's probably just stress related, but you never know. To be honest I'm scared there could be something wrong with me.

Though I am a beast
do not think that
I am stupid

I know that I am hideous
and hateful. I am not
loved, nor ever
hope to be.

Nor am I fool
enough to think that
what I feel for you
is love

But in this
world alone
I do not hate
you...

... And Alone
in this world,
you do not hate me.

I...

I would be
grateful if
you left me
now

Go quickly
woman. Go
before I break
your jaw.

Well it's time to get this blog of mine back on track. I want to spend the next few days taking a look at some interesting characters. Characters that I've always been fascinated by all my life. Right now I'm mostly fascinated with Mr. Edward Hyde. Not so much as Stevenson originally created him, but instead on how Alan Moore adapted this character for his amazing comic book The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. For those of you out there who've never read this, please do not see the movie with the same title. It's just god awful and has practically nothing to do with the book.

Alan Moore has the talent to take a pre-existing story or concept and adapt it in a way that really draws out a deeper understanding. In the case of Dr Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, Moore gives a nod to Marvel Comics’ "Incredible Hulk" concept of man-to-beast transformation rather than the drug induced change originally created by Robert Louis Stevenson. In Moore’s “League of Extraordinary Gentlemen,” the character Henry Jekyll does indeed create a drug that causes him to separate into two parts. One part of Jekyll is pure and innocent, while the other full of his un-pure urges. All his unrequited feelings stuck into one form. What makes this particular version of the character similar to Marvel Comics’ "Incredible Hulk," is the process in which Jekyll transforms into Hyde. Whenever Henry Jekyll is hurt or made angry, he begins to transform into a giant raging ape that tears men’s limbs out and scrapes children off his boots.

In the second volume of League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, it is without a doubt that Hyde is the main focus of the story. In the fifth issue it is revealed to us that Jekyll was actually a large man before the taking of the drug that would separate himself with Hyde. When this occurred, Hyde was only the size of a very short and small man, but still evil. As time rolled on Jekyll began to diminish and whither away while Hyde grew larger and more powerful. In the story, there's a point where Jekyll makes a final transformation into Hyde and never returns to his original state. At this point the character of Dr. Henry Jekyll dies and all that remains is the evil that he kept suppressed for so long.

It was this concept of one part growing stronger while the other withering away and dying that fascinated me. Do all people who try so hard to be good and moral follow down this path? Do they give up too much to stay pure only to find out later in life that all they wanted was the opposite? It's an experience I imagine everyone goes through. Spending a lifetime of being good and trying not to hurt anyone, only to later find that all the things you want in life are passing you by.

That little bit of evil inside of you starts to fizzle up like rancid grape soda in the pit of your stomach. An intense stinging sensation flows along with the blood in your veins throughout the body. Every muscle in the body is being eaten up and dissolved by the acid of rage. The inside tissues of the body becomes so dissolved that the skin is just a very thin bag holding back the acidic evil that will eventually burn it’s way through. All it takes is one little poke, one little prod, and the vile mess inside of the body bursts forth onto the world. When this happens, a true form is seen by all. Even worse, the true form is seen by the people you care about and love. You are no longer that good person you strived to be. Instead, you are a monster that will destroy anything it touches. You are the acid that will burn a hole through the world.

At the end of the second volume of the book, Hyde actually redeems himself. He gives his life to save the one person he cares about. It's that part of the story that really got to me. No matter how evil and rotten he became through his transformation, there was still some good he held onto at the very end of his life.


You are right Mr. Hyde. Heaven is the cruelest of places.

Yeah yeah, haven't updated for a while. Sorry, there was something that needed my attention. Dare I say it, but I had to be away from the computer! *gasp*

Stay tuned, I have a nice little post coming up later today. It has scans from the second volume of The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen and may contain another phrase for the testicular endowments of a deity. I also find it funny that everyone and their mother reads this page but hardly ever leaves a damn comment.

God fucking damnit. I hate Capcom.

Sure, they've given me a whole decade and thensome of fun with the Street Fighter series, but this Ghosts & Goblins shit is killing me. I keep looking at my list of things to do, and before I embark on my little adventure I wanted to get a little progress going on my 7th goal. Since Ghosts & Goblins was being such a pain in the ass, I thought I'd move on to it's sequel, Ghoul's & Ghosts. Initially I tried to play the original arcade version, but the save state system for MAME confuses the shit out of me. The only other viable option is to open up GENS and play the Genesis version. Audio and Visuals aren't quite up to par with the Arcade version, but it's damn near close enough. The most important thing is that the save state system in GENS is very easy to operate.

The game, while far more complex, is a bit easier than the original Ghosts & Goblins. In Ghoul's & Ghosts, your character has the ability to throw weapons upward as well as downward. Capcom has always had a problem with allowing you to fire weapons vertically instead of merely horizontally. I never understood this. Why was it that Megaman, despite all his enhancements... couldn't just aim his goddamn arm upwards and fire? Oddly enough, when this game was remade for the SNES, Capcom took out the ability to fire in 4 directions. Zuh? What a bunch of complete assholes.

After half an hour of playing, I finally made it to the end.

So there I am at the end of the mountain fortress. Fighting Satan/Lucifer/Loki or whoever the fuck he's called now. But wait... he's not the last boss. NO! It's some weird evil Moth thing that separates istelf into smaller more evil Moths. I couldn't get a screen shot, so I made you a nice little sketch.

Not terribly hard, but ultimately defeatable. Naturally with Ghosts & Goblins / Ghouls & Ghosts, you can't just play through the game once. OH NO! You can't do that... no what are you thinking? Fucking bastard game makes you play it through again, and yes like Ghosts & Goblins, it's much harder the second time through.

Here's the typical bullshit you should expect with this game.

So Moses here gives me the business. Once he's finished your freaky blue haired bitch of a woman informs you that you need to find the "Goddess Bracelet."

This means you have to go through the game, wear magic armor, and find this item at random. Once you get the itme, you CANNOT obtain any other weapon or else you have to play through the game all over again. Anyone who's reading this is probably asking, "Why? Why do this to yourself? These games are nothing but pain and frustration!" Well, that's correct. There are 3 reasons why these games must be defeated.

1. They are impossible to defeat without the aid of save states. Therefore, there's no one that I've know that was capable of defeating these games prior to the existence of emulating software.

2. If I die before beating these games, I will die a failure.

3. I now want to track down and kill whoever programmed these games.

This is my mission. Until my mission is completed, all I can say is...

click on picture for full size image

Not exactly what I would call "perfect" but I can't think of anything else I can do to this.

01. Build web server with John
02. Create new lay out for blog and other blogs
03. Create post about the wonders of drinking black lemonade (under construction as I type this all out)
04. Create MAME box of own design or install into a Street Fighter II arcade cabinet
05. Learn to how cook Agedashi Tofu for a pot luck
06. Steal Dan McCleary's fabled computer chair
07. Defeat "Ghosts and Goblins" on the NES.
08. Finish and perfect my upcomming zombie tribute to DeChirico
09. Rewatch all the good movies from the past 2 years with Sara when she returns.
10. Study for and pass the GMAT with flying colors
11. Obtain MCSE certification
12. Get a job.
13. Go hiking in Havasupai
14. Go back to school

Now about item number 7.

I finally approached the end of Ghosts and Goblins. Yes I was using an emulator and yes I was most certainly using save states. Without them, this game is pretty goddamn impossible. I'd hate to see the poor bastard who wasted his life savings in quarters on trying to beat this game when it was originally released for arcades.

Arthur's journey to Satan's mountain fortress was a test indeed. Fighting his way through a haunted forest, a city of the dead, a volcanic mountain, and now... the final fight with Satan himself.

The battle was surprisingly short, and as you can see in the screen shot, I was armed with a magic shield. Yes somehow your character starts to throw shields that are capable of destroying enemy projectiles. Satan was defeated, but almost immediately after his defeat a new screen popped up and while I don't have a screen shot, the text read something like this.

I'd like to take this time to say some "fuck you's" to certain people.

To the people involved in making Ghosts & Goblins, its sequels Ghouls&Ghosts and SUPER Ghouls & Ghosts... fuck you.

To the man who programmed the red demons who swoop at you and kill your ass like nothing... a big FUCK YOU!

To everyone right now who has had anything to do with Capcom for the past 20 years... fuck you.

By the end of this year I will beat this game, and I will post the winning screen. But until then, fuck you Capcom. Fuck you right in the ear.

And now it's time for the story of...

THE WORST BEVERAGE I HAVE EVER TASTED!

My last post was about the greatest drink on the planet. Now it is time for me to tell the tale of the worst beverage that could ever exist. This is a post about Chili Beer.

This bottle of Satan's piss is brought to you by folks in Cave Creek, AZ. For some reason unknown to me, these assholes up North in the state decided to take a perfectly good beer and ruin it by adding a jalapeño. What the hell? That's just wrong. So how did I manage to drink this vile concoction of evil? Well, it's a bit of a story really.

As you can see on the lists below, for a while now I've wanted to have a cook off with all of my friends. The idea is simple. Each of us cooks something and brings it to a gathering for us all to get together and eat. You'd think this would've happened much sooner, but much like everything amongst my friends, good ideas seem to be kept at bay with heavy amounts of laziness. I of course am very lazy and am guilty of doing such a thing many times in the past. Imagine my surprise of course when on Thursday of this week, on the spur of a moment my friends decide to finally pull it off. I should've known nothing like this could've been planned, it just had to happen. Thank God it did finally happen, although I curse the name of the lord just for the Chili Beer. More on that as the story continues.

I brought to the table some falafel, basmati rice, and home baked dill rye bread perfect for dipping into soup. It was all a big hit with everyone who tried it, and I couldn't have been happier. The other dishes I enjoyed the most was John's stir fry of tofu+asparagas, and Brian's kick ass broccoli+cheese soup that was enhanced with the power of Bud Light. If anything it would be awesome if cook offs like these became the regular activity for Thursday evenings. While the cooking died down, everyone left for the living room. It was there John decided to bring... it. He brought the horror of horrors into the room.

The bottle of beer was part of a box set of beers commemorating "Beers of America." It was a gift given to Nick from Ben. Of course Nick doesn't really drink beer, so he let everyone else take a stab at it. John walks in with a bottle of Chili Beer in hand. With a "Dude! YOU GOTTA TRY THIS!" look on his face, he looked towards me. I was amazed at the digusting vision before my eyes. Jalapeño floating in a bottle of beer, reminding me of when Damon Wayans would play his bum character on Living Color in which he carried around a clear jar of yellow liquid with a pickle inside to simulate a floating turd. Being a man, and being a fool, I had to try this beer. John handed me the bottle, and I took a healthy swig of this vile potion. It had the texture of a beer, but it tasted like Jalapeño and burned like one too. That shit ain't right man.

I didn't gag, I didn't puke, but man did my face ever contort at the mere taste of that awful liquid. Never in my life have I tasted something so foul. Of course this beer was passed around to everyone. You weren't a real man unless you tried "the beer." I'm still amazed that Brian tried it, since he is the man who started to sweat after eating one piece of Freschetta 4 cheese pizza. He lived, toughed it out, and made it through. I was really proud of him.

And that my friends, is the story of the worst beverage I have ever tasted.

Drink soda...

LIKE A REAL MAN!

~ My love for Pirate Lemonade ~

Here it is, the one, the only... BLACK LEMONADE. I first came in contact with this wonderful pirate beverage a while ago when Atomic Comics opened up their new location at the Chandler Mall. I was there with Nick, Ryan, and a young lady named Annie. Nick had just gotten some time off work and for once wanted to spend some money on himself. I decided to go along since... well... I had nothing better to do. To make a long story short we managed to find our way to Atomic Comics. Me and that store go way back, ever since I moved back to Arizona in '95. Most of the staff that still remains from those days know me on a first name basis (I really can't remember how that happened).

During my last semester of college, I made a trip back to Phoenix every week. While back in phoenix, I'd be sure to try and visit all my friends and make a weekly visit to Atomic Comics. Almost every week I went back to tucson with a new trade paper back for me to read. Doing this for every week during the semester allowed me the odd capability to own every single comic trade paper back I ever wanted to own.

I did this with DVD's as well. I bought all the movies I liked, and then... there's really nothing left. Same with comics really. Now I just go into the store and buy a soda, since Atomic Comics seems to be the only place in town I know of that carries strange and delicious sodas that you can't get at your local supermarket. So back to the story... when I caught my first glimpse of a black lemonade bottle, I knew I had to try it. I mean... it's a soda with a skull & crossbones plus evil glowing red eyes. Hell, it could possibly kill you if you drank it! So naturally I had to try it myself. While shelling out 2 dollars for a bottle of soda seems rather extreme, by the time that dark blue liquid with the hint of grey touched my tongue the price would seem far too reasonable for future transactions.

When you take your first swig of black lemonade, you first notice the slight hint of citrus, then a stinging sourness along the surface of your tongue. If you're brave enough you muster up enough strength to let it hit the back of your throat before swallowing. Upon contact with the back of the throat, an intense burning sensation occurs, one unlike anything you've ever experienced with a soda before. On its way down to your stomach, black lemonade burns down your esohpagus and finally rests itself in the pit of your gut. There it will continue to burn reminding you of the most wonderful non-alcoholic beverage you've ever tasted. The pain of delicious refreshment carries with you wherever you go for the next hour or so. It's such a wonderful feeling.

The best part of course is that Black Lemonade turns your lips and tongue black.

Now that's a good soda!

Back to the list for a moment. Items 3 and 5 are completed. The agedashi tofu was interesting. Not having deep fried anythying in my life before, it was an interesting learning experience. For starters, I used too much cornstarch. By the time each cube was finished the breading coating it was tougher than a tortoise shell. Next I should've cut smaller cubes of tofu and seasoned them with dashi and miso instead of hoisin sauce. Perhaps I should just spend some time out of the day and head over to Sakana demanding that their master chef should teach me how to make this stuff properly. The point here of course, is that I tried. While I believe I should make something else for a pot luck / cook off, I will not give up on the agedashi tofu.


01. Build web server with John
02. Create new lay out for blog and other blogs
03. Create post about the wonders of drinking black lemonade (under construction as I type this all out)
04. Create MAME box of own design or install into a Street Fighter II arcade cabinet
05. Learn to how cook Agedashi Tofu for a pot luck
06. Steal Dan McCleary's fabled computer chair
07. Defeat "Ghosts and Goblins" on the NES.
08. Finish and perfect my upcomming zombie tribute to DeChirico
09. Rewatch all the good movies from the past 2 years with Sara when she returns.
10. Study for and pass the GMAT with flying colors
11. Obtain MCSE certification
12. Get a job.
13. Go hiking in Havasupai
14. Go back to school

It's been a while since I posted anything. Not much to say here, other than I'm working on a few things. In the midst of going through my own personal hell on whether or not I should go to New York, I'm also thinking up and working on some projects. So here's the list so far for projects to be done this year.

01. Build web server with John
02. Create new lay out for blog and other blogs
03. Write post about the wonders of drinking black lemonade (under construction as I type this all out)
04. Create MAME box of own design or install into a Street Fighter II arcade cabinet
05. Learn to how cook Agedashi Tofu for a pot luck
06. Steal Dan McCleary's fabled computer chair
07. Defeat "Ghosts and Goblins" on the NES.
08. Finish and perfect my upcomming zombie tribute to DeChirico
09. Rewatch all the good movies from the past 2 years with my friend Sara when she returns from Uzbekistan in November.
10. Study for and pass the GMAT with flying colors
11. Obtain MCSE certification
12. Get a job.
13. Go hiking in Havasupai
14. Go back to school


Looks like I got a busy year.