In my current state I seem to be full of these long drawn out posts. It's easy to worry that my original purpose for this blog would diminish as I became some sort of attention whoring drama queen. Due to certain circumstances I don't think there's anyone out there who will blame me for having the need to get a few things off my chest every now and then. Rather than hide them it's best that I get this one out of my system and move on to some more art work. So here is Friday night's soliloquy. I promise it will not be removed.
Friday, December 12, 2003
posted by G-III on 4:17 PM
posted by G-III on 4:17 PM
I am getting by.
It's amazing what you learn about yourself when the chips are down. I've learned that I'm more level headed than I let others believe. The recent events that I'm sure anyone who's reading this is well aware of have done a number on me. I've never encountered a situation in life that makes it so that in one week your pants barely fit you anymore. I'm all for losing weight, but I really like those pants.
I sit here, staring at this screen like I've done day after day in the past... but something's different this time. I used to wake up every morning and face this screen with a bit of sadness, but a lot of hope. Hope that one day I wouldn't have to look at this screen in the morning and feel so damned alone. The hope that I'd be able to share with someone I grew to care about more than anyone else on this planet. Well, that's gone now. Now I look into this screen and feel totally alone. My one big hope taken from me before I had any ability to keep it from leaving. In a situation like this, I couldn't help but think to myself... what could I have done? What should I have done? There was nothing I could do. The decision was made before I had a chance to show up and say "hi."
That's why I haven't been vengeful, that's why I haven't totally flipped out and caused bloodshed. None of that will bring things back the way they were. Like a vase shattered against the ground, it can never be fully repaired. Some goddamn clod just came in and knocked it over. No matter how harshly you can punish that person and make them sorry... it wont bring back what was broken. You can try to glue the pieces back together, but the cracks will always be there. The only thing you can really do is sweep up the pieces. At this point you can toss them aside, or keep them in a box somewhere. Try to cherish the memory of what was and move on the best you can. No amount of violence or destruction I can inflict is going to prevent me from having to just deal with my sadness and move on. Try all you want, punish as hard as you can, it just wont fix what was broken.
It's times like this I always question what deity it was that I actually pissed off. I didn't think I was being that hubristic, but I managed to piss Zeus off somehow. I'm normally very humble... but I guess my number was up. Who would've thought just a smidgen of hope and happiness could be the albatross around my neck. I can't help but think back and remember the necklace I used to wear all the time.
If things weren't bad enough, today I just watched the TRAILER for the live action Garfield movie coming out next year. Seriously... what the fuck? That's the worst goddamn thing I've ever seen, and I've seen Last Samurai. You know a movie is awful when the last lines go like this.
'Tell me how he died.'
"No, I will tell you how he lived."
Man, it just wasn't my week.
To get back on track here, I'm handling things. It may take a long time, but I'm confident I'll make it out of this alright. Right now I'm just sad.
I am getting by.
Also, that Garfield trailer link is back up again. Watch and you will know fear.
Interesting enough, I saw Return of the King at midnite. I almost hated the book, didn't care for the first two movies, but loved this movie incredibly. Despite being 3 hours and 30 minutes long (and that's difficult to watch when you're already dead tired) there wasn't a dull moment. The acting was spot on, the colors were finally rich and vibrant (see the picture below to understand just how awful the filtering was on the first two movies), and the action was top notch. Even a depressed and cynical old bastard like me couldn't help but walk out of the theater with a smile on my face.
PS: The movie did lack Sam & Frodo love. :(
