Oddly Quiet

Whenever I need to talk, I can never say a word.

Whenever I need to be funny and entertaining, I'm boring.

Whenever I need to make an important decision, I can never decide.

Over and over again the line from Empire Strikes Back as told by Yoda keeps banging around in my head.

"Never his mind on where he was... what he was doing!"

I've spent all my life planning for specific moments in the future. I maintain my focus and my desire only to achieve outlandish goals. These goals are so unrealistic and silly that they might as well be found in a script for the next Jerry Bruckheimer and Michael Bay cinematic masterpiece. While dreaming up future solutions for present problems, I manage to get nothing accomplished.

One of these days I'll learn to live in the present. In 24 years I don't think I've ever taught myself how to enjoy a moment. I seem to always hold off my happiness for a day that will never come.

Since my hosting took a nose dive, I'm going to have to default to one of these mundane but pretty templates for the time being.

I know I haven't posted on here lately despite having all the time in the world to do so. My mind has been floating for too long while working nights for the past six months. Was it a waste? Let's hope not. Still need to figure out what to do, I do know that I want to leave AZ. I've been talking with a few people I know back east about staying with them and trying to find work out in Philadelphia or elsewhere.

Who knows?

My hosting is not working at the moment. I will have to call Mr. Goldstein and attempt to correct this problem.