Right now I'm sick as hell. This is rather unfortunate because tonight is a volleyball night. Although I had a really horrible first time experience playing with my friends back in august I have not missed a game since then. While I feel better now than I did all through last night and during the morning I know I should not go and play volleyball. But goddamnit, I want to. For one, it's a decent physical activity and we all know I need more of that. Two, I'm starting to get the hang of it, and each night I manage to play better. Thursdays especially are used for practice more than sundays, so missing out on tonight is a real bummer.

NO CHARLIE NO!

"HEY GUYS! WHAT'S GOIN ON IN THIS COMIC-CON?"

As you can easily see the part that looks the most screwed up just couldn't be helped. This is the best I could do in one night.

"Guess who this is, and you win a prize!"

"That's no moon, that's... OH SHIT!"

That's it for the matrix photoshops. I hope you guys enjoyed them. Let me know if any of you out there have any other ideas for "whacky movie crossovers" and I can make it happen.

Part 3 is here. I'm bloody tired, but I just wanted to say that I was really proud of this one. On a technical level I think it looks really cool

"HEY! HOW MANY OF YOU ARE HIDING UP THERE?"

Part 2 in the Matrix photoshop series is here. Behold! The secret of the Merovingian's "orgasm cake" REVEALED!

stay tuned for more, tomorrow.

In honor of the release of Matrix Reloaded on DVD (a movie that I thought was one of the most ridiculous pieces of shit ever to be put on film or any other medium) here are a series of Matrix photoshops I did for SomethingAwful

To help out with my posting problem. I will post one of these a day.

Here's a rare photo of Norman Rockwell painting a little different from his normal style.

And that creepy german guy gets all the credit. Psh.

I don't feel good today. In fact, I'm rather down. Seeing this kid about to get his brains blown out through the back of his head makes me feel better.

HEY THAT WAS PRETTY FUCKED UP, WASN'T IT?

That is all.

And now for no good reason, here is a pickle that likes to sew and knit.

That is all.

Well passed the second A+ exam. So I guess that means I'm A+ certified. The funny thing is that I had perfect opportunity to get this certification 2 years ago when it was much easier and cheaper. I wouldn't have spent 290 goddamn dollars and 2 weeks out of my life for something that probably wont help me get a job any better than my worthless college degree. Sure, as I'm typing this Levar Burton is jumping up and down yelling

I can't help but feel like this was just another mediocre achievement. But thanks anyway, Levar. Your work for PBS to teach kids not to take anyone's word for it and to show that blind black folk have a place in the future of mankind will not easily be forgotten.

I guess I'm just in a self depricating funk and don't know what I need really. Of course my father always told me that the secret to being happy is being filthy rich and having tons of sex with gorgeous young women. Sadly I don't think I can achieve that sort of thing with just an A+ certification.

And now for no good reason, here is a carrot wearing a purple dress and looking quite lovely.

That is all.

Once upon a time I turned this lovely lady

*click on each picture for full size version*


into this.

This was another request given to me by yet another attractive young lady I don't know. Unfortunately there was some macroblocking in that webcam shot, so I shrunk the picture just a little bit to reduce the problem. My original goal with this picture was to make some kind of freakish "frost" queen. Unfortunately trying to make realistic looking ice and frost in photoshop is a bit of a pain. When that didn't work I just said "fuck it," and decided to do what I always do. I went ahead and made her into a zombie.

This time around the texture was all from pictures I took of roots, rocks, gravel, and stucko found around my backyard. I was getting tired of ripping off other peoples artwork and thought to do something on my own for once. You may have notice that the fleshy face part is from the same corpse as the one in this PICTURE Hey, what can I say? Deadblonde.jpg was good enough for me to use twice (and maybe a third time in the future).

Well I passed the first part of the CompTIA A+ certification exam. The Core Hardware crap. I can't believe this shit costs 145 wing wangs per exam. The test itself was rather ridiculous. It asked questions that had no real purpose other than to make sure that the majority of people don't get 100%. I spent most of my time trying to remember attributes to different generations of CPU's and SCSI systems, when all the while I should've been remembering little shit like how many pins there are on a RJ 45.

I've been studying for the past week to make sure I pass these exams. I still have one more to go for A+. Since my college degree seems to be absolutely worthless in helping me to secure employment I figured it wouldn't hurt to waste more money to gain certifications. It's back to studying for me, but I will have a nice drink at Rock Bottom tonight to celebrate my mediocre achievement.

Well, for the past couple days I've been studying a lot for my A+ certifcation exam on Thursday. I know everything there is to know about computer hardware, except that I can never remember the attributes for old processors nor can I ever remember the attirbutes for all the different SCSI standards. To add to my crippling loneliness, I don't ever get to see anyone anymore. Sure I get to see my friends every thursday and sunday, but it's different than usual. I'm used to having a "buddy" that's always around. However, school is in session and many of my friends haven't graduated yet. So I feel like I'm left out in the cold.

I'm sure everyone, including my parents, will say that this is a definate sign that I need to get a girlfriend. And you know what? No... not that. Yeah that's right, I watched too many John Hughes movies when I was young, specifically Weird Science. I've tried for years to use my computer to make my own woman. Unfortunately I don't have the XTREME h4xx0r skills of Gary and Wyat. All I can make with my computer is brain eating zombie babies.